Do fellow Christians ever disappoint you?

[katylake]

i was wondering if anyone has this experience. That there are Christians in positions of leadership, in ministries and such, whom you'd think would exert a good influence - but they don't. In fact, they're rude and petty, and it's hard to be around them without wondering if being a Christian always means one has to be such an obvious hypocrite.

Or maybe I've just got it wrong. I've come to the conclusion you can't look at any other person's example to be edified. But it does make it hard to conclude why going to church is a good idea at all.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

[Servant]

Yes, yes and yes.

FWIW, we are to look to Jesus, not his followers as our example. It's one of those things that I think that we know right off the bat, but it takes us awhile to know, ya know?


:hug


:pray

[AnyDayNow]

...Has anyone had a similar experience?

Too many. Low point was when I served on Elder board and two of the Elders wanted to go outside and duke it out. Shortly thereafter, my wife and I left the church and one of those two Elders came over to find out why we left. After telling him that I found it incredulous that he even had to ask me, I told him...There's no pure public testimony left in a church that is unforgiving.

BTW, it was over a clock that the Elder's wife hung in the sanctuary. How's that for petty?

[Indiana Janz]

Yes, Christians disappoint more than unbelievers because they should know better. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15:34, "Become sober-minded as you ought, and stop sinning; for some have no knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame." :redface

However, we are not told to fellowship with other Christians so we can fill out a report card or necessarily to try and find good Christian examples, but we fellowship because where two or three are gathered in His name, He is there in our midst.

As someone who grew up in church, as a preacher's kid, privy to all the secrets, it was hard for me to sit there, knowing what I knew about the parishioners, and feel like God had anything to do with these people. I'd be like, "that guy beats his wife, and that guy's a drunk, and that woman sleeps around," and at the front of the church was the biggest hypocrite of them all, at least in my mind -- my dad.

It took me a long time to understand that we are there for His presence, and that by being there, we bless others, and we are blessed in return. I look forward to church because afterwards I am so Spiritually refreshed, but if I am there hoping to have someone else's godliness rub off on me, or to find perfect examples of faith, I will always leave disappointed.

[Wildcat81]

The former pastor at my church liked to say "People always tell me, 'I could never go to church because there are too many hypocrites,' and I always tell them, 'Well, we've got room for one more.'"

Yeah, other Christians disappoint me all the time. Of course, I disappoint me more than I'd like, too.

[katylake]

Thanks, some of you, for your honest replies. Servant, in particular. You got what I was asking.

A few missed the boat as per usual. (The one thing that amazes and astonishes me is how much some Christians LOVE cliches. I see someone near to me who does that constantly. I finally figured out the cliche is to avoid any serious, deep, or difficult thinking about an issue.)

[Gracie]

Katy, I sent you a pm. I don't really have much to offer to this thread because I feel the same way you do but don't have any answers really.

[coffeehubby]

I hate church. They did some pretty cruel things to my family growing up, including the pastor just a few years ago. I avoid it because it's been pretty consistant. I don't fit in there.

[frisian1970]

i was wondering if anyone has this experience. That there are Christians in positions of leadership, in ministries and such, whom you'd think would exert a good influence - but they don't. In fact, they're rude and petty, and it's hard to be around them without wondering if being a Christian always means one has to be such an obvious hypocrite.

Or maybe I've just got it wrong. I've come to the conclusion you can't look at any other person's example to be edified. But it does make it hard to conclude why going to church is a good idea at all.

Has anyone had a similar experience?
Sure. Anyone other than Christ is a less than good example.

[frisian1970]

The former pastor at my church liked to say "People always tell me, 'I could never go to church because there are too many hypocrites,' and I always tell them, 'Well, we've got room for one more.'"

Yeah, other Christians disappoint me all the time. Of course, I disappoint me more than I'd like, too.
Well said. And disappoint others more than I'd like to as well.

[Booklover]

Dear Father, You see the frustration expressed in this thread. "The church" is supposed to be the Bride--and we see so many ugly stepsisters instead. Encourage everyone here today who was discouraged by fellow believers. I ask for special grace to them today. Bring people into our lives who shine the light of Christ, and encourage us. Make me into that kind of person. Show me those who need your love and grace today. I look forward to Heaven, Lord, when we see you clearly, and truth and love win. In Jesus name, Amen

[Jany]

Well, there are those who profess to be Christians and they are not - so don't let those who profess be be a stumbling block, yeah? :): <><

[4everHis]

Yes, quite frankly it's one reason why I just don't participate that much in organized church events. I used to think it was because I am a loner type personality. However I really think it has more to do with realizing that we are all sinners saved by grace.

I can't stand haughtiness and pious people. Can't stand em. A lot of people in "authority" in the church world give that impression to me.

[Mitsy]

Absolutely.

A while back my church encouraged us to write to various members of parliment to let them know we were concerned about 'lowering the age of consent'. I got a reply from one minister who was a known Christian he actually said 'while he would like to vote against it his hands were tied ....' Basically he had made a deal to get something else if he put his vote in as 'yes' on this matter. So he was willing to ignore God's Word for some other political gains. I was shocked and angered!! How could a Christian do that?? Doesn't God's Word matter??

[humbleone]

Good thread topic.

Yes, I have been disappointed and then some. I havent even been to my church since this past November, due to it. I have needed all this time to heal and recover from the wounds, pain and hurt. I tried to go (back) but every time I saw some of those people, I would feel all wounded all over again. THAT was my problem, that I still felt hurt.... not theirs, no matter how wrong they were (referring to past incident here). But I was like, "God, I am sorry but I cannot keep showing up here... I walk out feeling even worse than when I came in. I need time to heal, I think." He didnt say anything either way so I quit going.

I think I have felt let down more by other Christians than by those in the world. Like someone else on here said, Christians know better (or ought to). So I think it hurts especially more... stings more, etc.

I havent had the rude and petty stuff... encountered it in person at my own personaly church yet, no. I think there is no excuse for that stuff and that it grieves God very deeply.

[bufferb34]

Boy could I tell you the stories about my ex-in-laws. My ex's dad is a retired baptist minister. You should see how they treat my son and I since the divorce. I thought it was bad before.....I definitely do not miss being part of that family.

[SilverLHS]

Dear Father, You see the frustration expressed in this thread. "The church" is supposed to be the Bride--and we see so many ugly stepsisters instead. Encourage everyone here today who was discouraged by fellow believers. I ask for special grace to them today. Bring people into our lives who shine the light of Christ, and encourage us. Make me into that kind of person. Show me those who need your love and grace today. I look forward to Heaven, Lord, when we see you clearly, and truth and love win. In Jesus name, Amen
Amen, Booklover. My prayer exactly.

[IbeleiveinJesus]

i was wondering if anyone has this experience. That there are Christians in positions of leadership, in ministries and such, whom you'd think would exert a good influence - but they don't. In fact, they're rude and petty, and it's hard to be around them without wondering if being a Christian always means one has to be such an obvious hypocrite.

Or maybe I've just got it wrong. I've come to the conclusion you can't look at any other person's example to be edified. But it does make it hard to conclude why going to church is a good idea at all.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

My biggest recollection of being in Church Leadership, is how much some of the dynamics looked like the world.. it was extremely disappointing...

Though, there were also examples to the contrary (and many too).. but in general.. people, even Christians, are still flawed, and many times act like people... but I know exactly where you are coming from.. :(:

-Ted

[Mitsy]

My husband and I had been lied to by a Minister. When we found out and confronted him, he didn't deny it but wasn't sorry nor did he offer any explaination. We were so angry and told him so. His reply to us was twofold, it was our problem and we had to forgive him anyway.

This man has done similar things to others. He has been complained about to the Archdiocese. They have put him in a administrative role now. Not before he hurt many congregational members.

I personally think a man like that with no remorse or understanding of right & wrong might not be saved (just my personal opinion I'm not judging him as I don't know). It is the only way I can accept his behaviour. You know I had come across this guy recently and he is still smug and unrepentent. I can't beleive that they manage to stay in Christian Ministry?

This originnly happended a long time ago. My hubby & I have moved on and "YES" we have forgiven him. At the time it just blew us away. We never, ever expected a Minister to treat us that way. We (at that time) were naive to think that Ministers were somehow above sinning or something like that. The reality is that we are all sinners.

[Sonflower]

Time and time again. Even my closest Christian friends have disappointed me and let me down. It just teaches me to look to God and not unto man.

[ImForgiven]

I think that we not only are disappointed by other Christians, as well we ourselves disappoint others, is because there is not one of us who is perfect. No matter how hard we may try, we mess up every now and then!

[Jennie in TO]

God told us to "not forsake the assembling together" for a good reason. The church is the one place where we're going to get a lot of practice forgiving 7 x 7, practicing humility, and compassion, and empathy, and turning the other cheek. It's the one place our ability to love will be sorely tested. It's the one place where "considering another's interests" as well as our own, counts. It's the one place where being "a peacemaker" is truly a blessing. Christ prayed for unity in that garden for a good reason.

He knows our pain. He's already considered it in His prayer.

[Gracie]

God told us to "not forsake the assembling together" for a good reason. The church is the one place where we're going to get a lot of practice forgiving 7 x 7, practicing humility, and compassion, and empathy, and turning the other cheek. It's the one place our ability to love will be sorely tested. It's the one place where "considering another's interests" as well as our own, counts. It's the one place where being "a peacemaker" is truly a blessing. Christ prayed for unity in that garden for a good reason.

He knows our pain. He's already considered it in His prayer.
Thanks, Jennie. I'd never thought about the Church that way. :redface

[Mitsy]

We are actually told to not neglect meeting together so we could encourage one another in our faith (so we don't lose hear before Jesus returns, verses from Hebrews quoted below). While Christians are charged to forgive one another and I agree it is because we are all sinful and we all slip up from time to time. What I am saying is that we don't meet together to practice forgiveness. Actually we should be aiming to have a positive influence on each other when we meet.

Let us not forget there are also those sent amongst us by the enemy to divide us (Jude 1:17-19) and there are tares/weeds amongst the wheat (Matt 13:24-30). Those who are not saved amongst us will be dealt with by the Lord. It is sad to think there might some who fellowship with us regularly that are there just to make trouble. I'm not trying to set up a witchhunt but I am saying we need to be realise it and guard ourselves against these people. We need to forgive them also because we are taught to forgive our enemies not just our brothers and sisters in Christ.

When we are hurt or offended we should forgive the person. However if the actions of the person is abusive it should be dealt with and not allowed to continue. Forgiving someone doesn't mean allowing them to get away with wrong behaviour over and over again even if they are a brother or sister in Christ. We also have a responisibility to teach each other to obey the Word of God.


HEB 10:19 Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

HEB 10:26 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. 28 Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," and again, "The Lord will judge his people." 31 It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.


JUDE 1:17 But, dear friends, remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ foretold. 18 They said to you, "In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires." 19 These are the men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit.

MT 13:24 Jesus told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. 25 But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26 When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.

MT 13:27 "The owner's servants came to him and said, `Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?'

MT 13:28 " `An enemy did this,' he replied.
"The servants asked him, `Do you want us to go and pull them up?'

MT 13:29 " `No,' he answered, `because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.' "

[Amazed by Grace]

I too have been disappointed with the behavior of people that attend my church, but then I remember Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. I look at my own life and all I can see are the times that I have been a miserable witness for Christ and I am utterly humbled. Then I think to myself, if the only witness that a person had was mine, would they see Christ or would they walk away thinking that I was the world's greatest hypocrite. Most days I believe it would be the latter.

According to Billy Graham and Paul Washer only 10-15% of the people in evangelical churches are truly born-again. If this is so, then it is only right that they behave and do business like the world. Add to this the poor preaching and the WOF teaching and it is no wonder that we look so much like the world. What the church in America needs is persecution and the preaching of the pure Word of God by holy and righteous men of God. If it cost you everything to commit your life to Christ, then it would mean everything. It costs us too little in America, so we do not value it.

Finally, God has been convicting me recently that much of the time I am more interested in the praises of men that the praises of God. He speaks to me of humbling myself under His Holy hand and trusting and allowing Him to deal with the behaviors of others. Even this causes me to stumble and fall repeatedly, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me so daily I struggle to walk in faith trying to forget what is behind and pressing forward towards my goal, which is Christ and Christ alone.

[Gracie]

Amazed, thank you for sharing those thoughts.

[Amazed by Grace]

:hug

[CHRISTinCheryl]

ABSOLUTELY... and often...:(: