Concerned Mom about Husband w/ marijuana + adult mags

[GospelGami]

I'm listening to a radio show where people call in and get advise from Pastors.

A caller, who is a concerned Mom explained that she found marijuana and adult magazines that belong to her husband. She has a little baby!

She has confronted him and will not change. He smokes the marijuana outside.

What advise would you give her?

[LisaAnn]

I've been in that exact situation. :(: I made it a boundary in our marriage that there will be no pot or porn PERIOD. If he couldent deal with it then the marriage was over until such a time as he was willing to give them up, then he would have been welcomed back.


He straightened up pretty quick. ;):

[GospelGami]

I've been in that exact situation. :(: I made it a boundary in our marriage that there will be no pot or porn PERIOD. If he couldent deal with it then the marriage was over until such a time as he was willing to give them up, then he would have been welcomed back.
He straightened up pretty quick. ;):

Praise God!

The advice given on the radio was stay with the guy...but I think that encourages him to stay the same.

Obviously, she needs to ask the Lord for wisdom but her husband lost his right as the leader of the home once he brought the porn and pot in the house and resist to flee this abomination.

Marijuana is a gateway drug to other drugs. Usually, they smoke this with friends. So if he is bringing his friends over to the house, this makes it unsafe for the baby and her.

Pornography is also a gateway to various perversions. The chances of committing adultery in the marriage are extremely high at this point.

If anyone reads this thread please pray for this family.

[Proudmommy]

I like LisaAnn's advice. There is no call for that, especially with kids in the house.

[Dilferthecat]

I've been in that exact situation. :(: I made it a boundary in our marriage that there will be no pot or porn PERIOD. If he couldent deal with it then the marriage was over until such a time as he was willing to give them up, then he would have been welcomed back.


He straightened up pretty quick. ;):

Mine didn't straighten up. He even lost two jobs because of these problems and refused to get help. We're now divorced.

[Singlesis]

Ya know, so many well-meaning pastors will tell women to stay no matter what, indicating that their staying and praying will change the situation. I've known very few where this actually happened. If there are no consequences, why would the man change?

And think of it this way.... if there are illegal activities going on in the house (drugs), she would be held just as responsible as he will if ever busted. (I know this - happened to a friend of mine). Everyone in the house is responsible. Is she willing to risk losing her child for that?

And what about when the child grows older? Want him/her to see Daddy smoking pot? What kind of example would that be?

Nope... kick him out or leave, and that's his ultimatum. Get rid of the stuff, or lose the wife and child. He will either straighten up or he won't... but if he chooses that life over his family, then he doesn't deserve them.

Same way with abuse, etc. As long as the wife stays, she is "enabling" him and his behavior. By staying, she is saying it is okay and acceptible, and nothing will ever change. Sad, tragic... but very true. Statistics don't lie.

I am praying for this woman, and the countless other women in similar situations. Of course the man needs prayer too - we can't forget about him either!

[RevJeff]

I was a pot smoker for many years until God finally conked me in the head and showed me the light. One thing we must all be aware of is how much a mind altering drug like pot opens you up to spiritual deception. I know it did for me without me realizing it(was not saved for most of the time I smoked but continued a while as a baby Christian). God finally truly introduced me to spiritual warfare, and scared me to death.

As for how the situation is handled, that unfortunately is a tough call. The argument of most pots smokers is that it's harmless. But you are truly impaired and a danger, as you are not of sound mind. One thing to keep in mind is he is currently a law breaker. If you wanted to go strictly by the Bible that would mean you'd have an obligation to call the authorities. If DSS or another agency knew he was smoking his access to your child would be denied. He needs to realize this could cause him to lose his child. My prayers are with you.

[The Norm]

Pray hard. Im 53 years old now, but from the age 16 through 25, about 10 years, I smoked pot EVERY DAY, but I was a christian, so my conscience and God were both after me for these 10 years. I finally came around the corner, not because anyone convinced me, but because God convinced me, and changed my heart in that regards. I then went thru 4 1/2 years of Bible College, got married to a nice girl, have kids and life is pretty good. I know through all that time, I had a praying mom who prayed for me. God can win this battle, but its a battle, and God will be the only one who can make the change permanent.

[LisaAnn]

Mine didn't straighten up. He even lost two jobs because of these problems and refused to get help. We're now divorced.
:hug This is exactly where we would be now if he refused to give them up.

My husband is currently on the spiritual 'fence' so I believe it is entirely possible for him to fall back into it again. He wants to be born again, and do right, but isnt ready to give it all over to the Lord (yet :pray ). I am constantly on the lookout for these things and probably will until he completely gives it all to God and the Lord changes him. So far so good. :noidea If he fell back into them again he would be out on his ear so fast his head would spin.

edit to add:
Reading some of the other posts here it seems that even after men are saved it can still be a struggle. :cry It's good to have the Lord in your heart to prick your conscience though. I suppose I will always be on the lookout since the trust in this area has been damaged. :sigh

[LisaAnn]

One other thing.....

When you are in a situation like this where some very hard, life changing things may happen, you need to have your heart guarded so that you can carry through with them. A very wise poster here at RR, who is now with the Lord, directed me to do a Bible study on the phrase "guard your heart" when I was struggling with these things. It was Godly advice that I will probably follow the rest of my life. If you are letting your heart rule in these situations they will never be resolved. :(:

[Dilferthecat]

LisaAnn, thank you for your kind words. One thing I should mention is that I did not divorce him. I left him, because I had three children I needed to protect. He then served me with divorce papers. God is a good Father to my children and a wonderful provider for all of us. He is the head of our family, and as I follow Him I know my children will follow also.

I will pray for you and your husband, that God would heal and protect both of you.

Love :): ,

Lynne