DD's Soccer Coach

[kimmylg]

My 7 y/o dd has taken to soccer this season. The problem is, I feel so weird around her coach. I think I know why, but would like your opinions on the matter.

I went to hs with this guy, and he was trouble then. He has been to jail in his adult life, but I don't know what for. I immediately noticed his tattoos. He has several of them, and they are all of demons which look to have baby faces, with the exception of Satan himself on his calf.

He has a shaved head and a goatee, which in itself means nothing, I realize, but then at practice on Tuesday, his shirt really spelled it out for me. It had the Carl's Jr. logo on it, only it didn't say Carl's Jr., it said "Satan Jr.".:twitch

There is only one more game this season, so it's too late now to do anything about it, especially when I don't even know for sure. But what are your opinions on this, in case my dd gets him again next season?

Thanks in advance.

[Gary]

How does a guy with a prison record get to be able to work with kids???

I had to get a detailed criminal record check before the public schools would allow me in to teach Martial Arts. Are you sure he has been approved to coach this team?

[jreed3]

I had to do the same to coach soccer at the high school in my area. They did a background check along with drug tests.

[rancherswife]

There is no way someone with a record should be working with kids in a public arena like that. The organization sponsoring the soccer should screen the coaches.

[kimmylg]

This is county recreational league, not school sponsored. They are desperate for coaches, and speaking as a former rec coach, I can tell you that no screening is done. Is nothing sacred anymore?? :cry

[MidnightCry]

To be honest, if I'd shown up on the first day of practice and saw what you're describing, he'd see our backsides walking back toward our car. There's too much "ick" in the world in general to subject our children to it. Perhaps, since you've known him a long time, you gave him the benefit of the doubt. My advice . . . listen to your gut, God gives our instincts for a reason. I, personally, look for exceptional role models for my girls, not ones that would freak ME out.

God bless,
An self-proclaimed-over-the-top-protective Mom

[rancherswife]

IMO, it is WORSE that the county government doesn't screen coaches!!! They must WANT to be sued.

[carmen]

To be honest, if I'd shown up on the first day of practice and saw what you're describing, he'd see our backsides walking back toward our car. ...My advice . . . listen to your gut, God gives our instincts for a reason.I couldn't agree more.

Is there another team you can put your daughter on? I had my son in YMCA football when he was younger, which is similar to what you describe with this soccer program. But there were multiple teams, and I'm pretty sure I could have moved him to another one if I'd had a reason such as you had.

And I would DEFINITELY inform the county league of his record....AND his t-shirt.

[C. Little]

I've got some advice here.

1) Get her the heck away from this guy right now. So she misses the last game, so what.

2) Next season look into finding an Upward league. Upward is a Christian based sports league that is organized through churches. www.upward.org

A guy like this should not be coaching, and the league may not be able to keep him out, but if none of the parents bring their kids to practice or games what can he do.

[Apollo]

Guess why this problem arises? Parent's want to dump their kids off for an hour and half every day but don't want to take the time to coach themselves.

I find it a little bit pollyanna when people are complaining about the quality of coaching when they don't do it themselves. I coached my boys soccer team this year. It's not like it takes a lot of skill to tell six year olds to run back and forth and chase after a ball.

If you want your kid to have a coach that shares your values, do it yourself.

[4everHis]

Guess why this problem arises? Parent's want to dump their kids off for an hour and half every day but don't want to take the time to coach themselves.

I find it a little bit pollyanna when people are complaining about the quality of coaching when they don't do it themselves. I coached my boys soccer team this year. It's not like it takes a lot of skill to tell six year olds to run back and forth and chase after a ball.

If you want your kid to have a coach that shares your values, do it yourself.

Apollo, with due respect, that's a bit of a harsh reply.
Not everyone can coach for various reasons.

Congrats on coaching your boys soccer team. An honorable thing to do.
Just realize that some have disabilities or other comittments etc.

[Gary]

Guess why this problem arises? Parent's want to dump their kids off for an hour and half every day but don't want to take the time to coach themselves.

I find it a little bit pollyanna when people are complaining about the quality of coaching when they don't do it themselves. I coached my boys soccer team this year. It's not like it takes a lot of skill to tell six year olds to run back and forth and chase after a ball.

If you want your kid to have a coach that shares your values, do it yourself.

Pretty sad reply. :tsk

I know nothing about soccer or hockey so how in the world could I coach a soccer or hockey team?

I teach and coach what I know. Not what I don't know.

[Apollo]

Apollo, with due respect, that's a bit of a harsh reply.
Not everyone can coach for various reasons.

Congrats on coaching your boys soccer team. An honorable thing to do.
Just realize that some have disabilities or other comittments etc.

I'm a single parent, if I can find time anyone should be able to.

Maybe it's a little bit of transferrance because I'm angry at some of my parents who can't be bothered to show up to a full game and are constantly late to pick their kids up but somehow find time to yell at me for five minutes for not playing their boy enough

It just seems wrong to me to complain about something that you yourself control the fix to.

[Gary]

I'm a single parent, if I can find time anyone should be able to.

Maybe it's a little bit of transferrance because I'm angry at some of my parents who can't be bothered to show up to a full game and are constantly late to pick their kids up but somehow find time to yell at me for five minutes for not playing their boy enough

It just seems wrong to me to complain about something that you yourself control the fix to.

I understand where your frustration is coming from. I feel the same way WRT parents picking up their kids on time from my Martial Arts classes. What you don't seem to acknowledge, though, is that not all people lack the subject matter knowledge of the activity, OR the ability to interact with children.

I have been told many times by parents and colleagues that I do very well with my students and they WISH they could have the ability to effectively interact with kids. NOT everyone can do it.

[Porkchop]

My 7 y/o dd has taken to soccer this season. The problem is, I feel so weird around her coach. I think I know why, but would like your opinions on the matter.

I went to hs with this guy, and he was trouble then. He has been to jail in his adult life, but I don't know what for. I immediately noticed his tattoos. He has several of them, and they are all of demons which look to have baby faces, with the exception of Satan himself on his calf.

He has a shaved head and a goatee, which in itself means nothing, I realize, but then at practice on Tuesday, his shirt really spelled it out for me. It had the Carl's Jr. logo on it, only it didn't say Carl's Jr., it said "Satan Jr.".:twitch

There is only one more game this season, so it's too late now to do anything about it, especially when I don't even know for sure. But what are your opinions on this, in case my dd gets him again next season?

Thanks in advance.


Your quite welcome and well...this kind of hit the wrong nerve!...but as a Christian I feel compelled to call you guys out in love on this one! To be quite frank I believe the majority of you are dead wrong and being judgemental! No one should be advising you to do much here.

To preface this let me say that by asking the question you did I can draw the conclusion you have not spent time with this fellow! So therefore you do not know him today. Correct? Otherwise you would not be posing the question. Save the shirt! A big clue that he is probably not Christian but your only evidence that he is seeking attention. I see young 10-18 or so year old girls wearing a shirt that says porn star! Doesn't mean they are, on the surface it only means they are seeking attention. We can come to no other conclusion without judging them wrongly!

He has a shaved head and a goatee, which in itself means nothing, I realize,

I have a gotee and big Porkchop side burns...doesn't mean I like Elvis! If you realize this then don't pain the picture with this info.

There is no way someone with a record should be working with kids in a public arena like that. The organization sponsoring the soccer should screen the coaches.

Nothing here has been presented as evidence proving why he is not suitable to coach children nor has there been anything posted to suggest his record would require such limitations! What if you found out he stole a vaccum to sell and support his family, wrote a hot check, lied on his taxes, didn't pay child support...some states you can go to jail for a short time for this.

A guy like this should not be coaching, and the league may not be able to keep him out, but if none of the parents bring their kids to practice or games what can he do.

A guy like what exactly? Please elaborate! Nothing has been posted to show his lack of being a good person now! In fact it would be a fair conclusion to say that since this is being brought up with one game left that the season has been uneventful otherwise it would have been posted...or should have, and hence nothing has happened to question his ability to coach or manage children. The only evidence of him being different is that he wore a shirt that offends us Christians! I see young girls dressed like street walkers in my church every sunday yet I don't judge them of bad character, maybe poor choice but nothing more. Now granted his shirt "cries" out as offensive and claims an offensive namesake but short of him actually speaking or performing some demonic ritual he is guilty of nothing more than bad taste and a bad choice for a positive perception.

I went to hs with this guy, and he was trouble then. He has been to jail in his adult life, but I don't know what for. I immediately noticed his tattoos. He has several of them, and they are all of demons which look to have baby faces, with the exception of Satan himself on his calf.


It sounds like everyone has already judged and executed this guy based on his past and a past that is unknown at that!!:tsk :tsk :tsk

I think there was a fellow named Paul who was a terrible chap yet he is quite frequently quoted in Christian circles these days and held dear to many Christians!

There is not enough information to accurately advise you to pull your dd out now or even for next year yet. I suggest you educate yourself about this fellow. If you are worried about him being a sexual predator all states require them to register and list a current address which you can get at the local police dept or on the internet. Most are registered and have current info. If your really worried approach him after pratice and ask him! Don't go asking others or speaking your opinion with out knowing the facts. Do not judge him for his tatoos...my wife has one and regrets it to this day...and it is a cross!...and certainly do not ask anyone here to advise you based on what you have said above! We know nothing necessary to make any rational suggestion except to educate yourself and find out...ask him!

[Apollo]

I understand where your frustration is coming from. I feel the same way WRT parents picking up their kids on time from my Martial Arts classes. What you don't seem to acknowledge, though, is that not all people lack the subject matter knowledge of the activity, OR the ability to interact with children.

I have been told many times by parents and colleagues that I do very well with my students and they WISH they could have the ability to effectively interact with kids. NOT everyone can do it.

I honestly think any parent can coach a junior soccer team. Really, my practices are really simple and pretty much consists of a few drills and letting them kick the ball and chase after it. It's a co-ed six year old team. It's not like it's rocket science.

I don't understand how you could be a parent and not have the skills to interact effectively with children. I didn't want kids, I didn't want to be a single parent at 22 years old and I surely didn't want to be on my own raising twin boys. I didn't have any of the skills and I've missed out on a lot to take care of them. I don't want to be a 40 year old with an empty house while my kids are off in college, but this is my life and this is the hand that I'm going to play out.

I'm coaching because I didn't like the caliber of coaches in the league and because no one else wanted to. I find there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who make excueses and complain and those who get things done.

I'm just sick and tired of people complaining about people who are doing jobs they don't want to do. I see it in my rec league, in my church, at my boy's school. If you don't like it, do it yourself.

[kimmylg]

Guess why this problem arises? Parent's want to dump their kids off for an hour and half every day but don't want to take the time to coach themselves.

I find it a little bit pollyanna when people are complaining about the quality of coaching when they don't do it themselves. I coached my boys soccer team this year. It's not like it takes a lot of skill to tell six year olds to run back and forth and chase after a ball.

If you want your kid to have a coach that shares your values, do it yourself.


Need a little help off that high horse? I have been there and done that. I have served as coach one year, and Vice President of the Micro League for a year. Any other suggestions from you?

[kimmylg]

Your quite welcome and well...this kind of hit the wrong nerve!...but as a Christian I feel compelled to call you guys out in love on this one! To be quite frank I believe the majority of you are dead wrong and being judgemental! No one should be advising you to do much here.

To preface this let me say that by asking the question you did I can draw the conclusion you have not spent time with this fellow! So therefore you do not know him today. Correct? Otherwise you would not be posing the question. Save the shirt! A big clue that he is probably not Christian but your only evidence that he is seeking attention. I see young 10-18 or so year old girls wearing a shirt that says porn star! Doesn't mean they are, on the surface it only means they are seeking attention. We can come to no other conclusion without judging them wrongly!





I have a gotee and big Porkchop side burns...doesn't mean I like Elvis! If you realize this then don't pain the picture with this info.



Nothing here has been presented as evidence proving why he is not suitable to coach children nor has there been anything posted to suggest his record would require such limitations! What if you found out he stole a vaccum to sell and support his family, wrote a hot check, lied on his taxes, didn't pay child support...some states you can go to jail for a short time for this.



A guy like what exactly? Please elaborate! Nothing has been posted to show his lack of being a good person now! In fact it would be a fair conclusion to say that since this is being brought up with one game left that the season has been uneventful otherwise it would have been posted...or should have, and hence nothing has happened to question his ability to coach or manage children. The only evidence of him being different is that he wore a shirt that offends us Christians! I see young girls dressed like street walkers in my church every sunday yet I don't judge them of bad character, maybe poor choice but nothing more. Now granted his shirt "cries" out as offensive and claims an offensive namesake but short of him actually speaking or performing some demonic ritual he is guilty of nothing more than bad taste and a bad choice for a positive perception.



It sounds like everyone has already judged and executed this guy based on his past and a past that is unknown at that!!:tsk :tsk :tsk

I think there was a fellow named Paul who was a terrible chap yet he is quite frequently quoted in Christian circles these days and held dear to many Christians!

There is not enough information to accurately advise you to pull your dd out now or even for next year yet. I suggest you educate yourself about this fellow. If you are worried about him being a sexual predator all states require them to register and list a current address which you can get at the local police dept or on the internet. Most are registered and have current info. If your really worried approach him after pratice and ask him! Don't go asking others or speaking your opinion with out knowing the facts. Do not judge him for his tatoos...my wife has one and regrets it to this day...and it is a cross!...and certainly do not ask anyone here to advise you based on what you have said above! We know nothing necessary to make any rational suggestion except to educate yourself and find out...ask him!



I am not worried about him being a sexual predator, I am worried because based on the hours of research I did the night after the T-Shirt thing, I became worried that he may be a Satanist. I have educated myself on the physical characteristics of Satanists, and he fits. Gee, all I wanted was opinions on what people would do if it were their child- no need to get all bent out of shape about it. :rolleyes

[carmen]

Porkchop, judging someone's heart is one thing; judging whether you want them influencing your 7-year-old is something else again. If you fail to do the latter these days, you aren't being the kind of parent you need to be.

[Porkchop]

Porkchop, judging someone's heart is one thing; judging whether you want them influencing your 7-year-old is something else again. If you fail to do the latter these days, you aren't being the kind of parent you need to be.



Carmen I agree about filtering influence and I have 4 children that I home school and I closely monitor their activities even their church activities and friends are "screened".

But there is no concern for influence as posted above... nothing has been said about what he does to influence anyone except wear an offensive shirt and a picture of his physical characteristics is painted through the story. If you leave out the visuals there is no story. According to the posts above he is not suitable to be coaching based on old history in high school, a trip to jail for an unknown reason and having an appearance that appears to match a stereotype. People are suggesting that they would turn and walk the other way based on what he looks like. That if no one brought their kids to practice he would not have a team to coach...what??? punish him because all of a sudden he is so bad the team needs to be taken away from him through some subversive plan by the parents? What did the guy do to have his team taken away? Role-models are chosen based on what one looks and they should not freak people out by looking different? So he is a bad role-model cause his looks freak someone out? Tell the league about his criminal record? Who said anything about a criminal record? What criminal record? He spent time in jail it could have been over turned and expunged after appellate review...he could have been found innocent... He wore an offensive shirt claiming the namesake of Satan and based on that I would wonder...but I would go ask him and get to know him and not query people on a thread for their opinions. So now he is a topic on a thread where he is being judged and he can't defend himself and he didn’t do anything.

[carmen]

But there is no concern for influence as posted above...You don't see any concern for influence from a guy with a criminal record and a satan jr t-shirt influencing in any way your 7-year-old daughter?

If you leave out the visuals there is no story.Except a criminal record, of course.

People are suggesting that they would turn and walk the other way based on what he looks like. No they aren't. They're suggesting that this guy isn't the one they want to influence their very impressionable children. Nothing wrong with that at all.

That if no one brought their kids to practice he would not have a team to coach...what??? punish him because all of a sudden he is so bad the team needs to be taken away from him through some subversive plan by the parents?This isn't "punishment" for the guy. This is watching over your kids.

What did the guy do to have his team taken away? Role-models are chosen based on what one looks and they should not freak people out by looking different? So he is a bad role-model cause his looks freak someone out? It isn't looks, Porkchop. It's a criminal record, coupled with a tshirt that satan jr. With that, he is openly advertising what he wants to influence kids with. When I look at that ad, I don't see anything I would want my child buying. It's sometimes unfortunate that our actions have consequences, but they do. When I act in a certain way, there is a reaction based on that. I am not exempt from that, and neither is this guy.

Tell the league about his criminal record? Who said anything about a criminal record? What criminal record? He spent time in jail it could have been over turned and expunged after appellate review...he could have been found innocent... Yes, tell the league...the authority in this case...and let them sort it out. You're right, it may be nothing. But you know what? It could have been for child molestation. It could have been for assault on a minor. It could have been for any NUMBER of things. But it is the league's responsibility to organize this thing in a fashion that protects the children. I couldn't even teach Sunday School, for heaven's sake, without undergoing a background check. It's a safeguard for the kids participating, othing more or less, and in these days and times, sorely needed. The papers are full of cases where all kinds of people try to get near our children that shouldn't. If we don't act to protect them, who will???

He wore an offensive shirt claiming the namesake of Satan and based on that I would wonder...but I would go ask him and get to know him and not query people on a thread for their opinions.Yes, go get to know him if you feel led. But don't let your impressionable 7-year-old be the one that gets to know him first. That's irresponsible, IMHO. If you feel your child is being influenced in a negative manner and don't act on that, you aren't doing your God-given job as a parent.

So now he is a topic on a thread where he is being judged and he can't defend himself and he didn’t do anything.He isn't being judged. The best course of action for a 7-year-old is being judged.

No one on here has said this guy is a satanist and on his way to hell. Or that he's an awful person. They are simply saying that, when in doubt, the physical, mental, and emotional safety of the child comes first. I'm sure you'd agree with that as a father.

[Apollo]

You don't see any concern for influence from a guy with a criminal record and a satan jr t-shirt influencing in any way your 7-year-old daughter?

If it were me I would tell my boys its a reference to NHL star forward Miroslav Satan of the New York Islanders. At this point in their lives they're probably willing to accept that.

But you know what? It could have been for child molestation. It could have been for assault on a minor. It could have been for any NUMBER of things. But it is the league's responsibility to organize this thing in a fashion that protects the children.

If his criminal record was for any of those crimes the natural of his parole would bar him from any interaction with children and he could go back to jail for being a soccer coach. More likely he's a roughneck who has an arrest record for something more mundane than child predatory stuff.

[carmen]

If it were me I would tell my boys its a reference to NHL star forward Miroslav Satan of the New York Islanders. At this point in their lives they're probably willing to accept that.If it were me, I would just pull my son out so I wouldn't have to worry about trying to explain it :):

If his criminal record was for any of those crimes the natural of his parole would bar him from any interaction with children and he could go back to jail for being a soccer coach. More likely he's a roughneck who has an arrest record for something more mundane than child predatory stuff.The stats are on your side and you are likely right. Unfortunately, the stats were also on the side of many parents whose children found themselves in the position of being hurt or killed by a child molester violating terms of their parole. I doubt the knowledge that the stats were on their side was much comfort. It happens, and probably more frequently than we'd like to think. The recidivism for this kind of crime is better than 50%; IIRC, it's somewhere around 70%.

Look....I'm not saying this guy is a child molester, or that he's done anything criminal that merits fear by anyone. However, I was rather taken to task for pointing out the the league should know about his record, just as other organizations are informed about the backgrounds of those that interact with kids. IMHO, not informing the league of someone's criminal record when they are dealing with children is irresponsible and unfair to the other parents involved. Let the league, who is responsible for the coaches, and the other parents, who are responsible for making decisions for their children know the same info you know. Allow them the courtesy to make decisions for their children based on the same info which you are making yours. I, as a parent, would certainly want that info, and I suspect most parents would--whether they chose to take action or not isn't the point. The point is that they were informed.

The OP asked for opinions regarding the actions they'd take if we were in her shoes. I've given mine, and ya'll are welcome to yours--I'm not trying to argue or even say that I am right and that disagrees is wrong. I'm simply pointing out how I see it :):

[homeschoolmom]

another thought to add...God gives us discernment...you just know when something is not right. Sounds to me Kimmy, that you have that discerning spirit.

[kimmylg]

another thought to add...God gives us discernment...you just know when something is not right. Sounds to me Kimmy, that you have that discerning spirit.



Thank you, from one homeschooling mom to another! You just gave me one of the best compliments I could ever hope to receive!! God bless you. :hug