Christian Dating...

[HiLaReE320]

Hey guys! I haven't posted in awhile, but I need some advice... I have recently started a new relationship and I REALLY don't want to mess this one up concerning the Lord and all. My past relationships never really were very spiritual or Jesus-based, but I want this one to be completely different. The guy I'm dating is a very strong Christian, also (I'm not saying I'm strong, because I am really so weak!)

But I was wondering, can anyone tell me some good and biblical Christian dating books or websites?? Since I've never really had a Christ-based relationship (sad, I know, but I have learned my lessons, believe me), I'm pretty clueless and so is he, so we need alot of help and prayer!!! Thank you so much! :):

[WisdmInTheWorks]

New Life Live has been advertising "How to get a date worth keeping." It sounds like it might be good.

Have you ever asked yourself: Why doesn’t God bring someone to love into my life? Why am I always attracted to the wrong kind of people? Should I marry someone I am not really attracted to just because we share the same values and are such great friends? You are not alone. There is a growing population of people who feel that dating is just not working for them. In this book, Dr. Henry Cloud gets to the heart of these issues and provides readers with a de-mystifying perspective on dating and a hands on “How To” manual to get people unstuck, un-mad, un-depressed, and on the road to fun and fulfillment in the single life.
https://my.newlife.com/cgi-bin/cart/item.pl/18053156398092069284044?

[antsinmypants]

My sister says "And the bride wore white" is a good one as well as the "I Kissed dating good bye" books.

However, I didn't at all like the "I Kissed Dating Good-bye" because some of it was really unrealistic for me.

I did find the "Lady in Waiting" Series by Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall encouraging, and right after finishing it, fell into "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver.

[babylonrising]

When you find something that works, let me know....... I haven't done so good in the dating department. It's mostly just that I meet the wrong people.
Does anyone know of any books I can read? I'm guessing "and the bride wore white" is NOT for men. lol

[seachelle76]

When you find something that works, let me know....... I haven't done so good in the dating department. It's mostly just that I meet the wrong people.
Does anyone know of any books I can read? I'm guessing "and the bride wore white" is NOT for men. lol
I don't know about anyone else, but I've found that self-help books (spiritual or not) are a huge waste of money. Here's what you should do: Have a strong prayer life, live what you profess, and refuse to compromise in either department. You'll draw like-minded people to you (or God will send them your way).

[WisdmInTheWorks]

When you find something that works, let me know....... I haven't done so good in the dating department. It's mostly just that I meet the wrong people.
Does anyone know of any books I can read? I'm guessing "and the bride wore white" is NOT for men. lol

The finding a date worth keeping is for men and women and it does discuss finding the right kind of people. (At least that's what they advertise on the radio.)

[wilberforce15]

Some things to consider from my experience

1) The purpose of "dating" for the Christian is to pursue the possibility of marriage. That should be your intent from day 1. It's not a binding commitment in that you're committing to marry them one day, but it should be openly known between you two that this is not just trivial hanging out and strong emotional attachment for the sake of not being lonely or something, with a vague hope that something may come of it. This implies a lot of other things....

2) Make sure they are marriage quality before you date them. Why open yourself up to a relationship whose supposed purpose is marriage, and the attendant emotional attachment, if you aren't even sure that they're going to be a Biblical husband/wife?

3) Talk about the important things first. With my current girlfriend (who was my first, and Lord-willing, last, as I plan to propose), we had talked many long hours about our views on the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives, the purpose of marriage, approaches to parenting, birth control beliefs, family situations, how we expect to serve together in our local bodies as a couple, possible needs to move, jobs, finances and debt, boundaries for physical intimacies before marriage, and our personal strengths and faults......before (and on) our first date. Sound extreme? Think about this: if we discovered that we had irreconcilable differences in some of these areas, we could cut it off right then, remain friends, and spare ourselves much trouble and emotional pain. Again, why would I pursue someone toward marriage who I don't know would be spiritually compatible as a lifelong mate?

There's plenty more that I could share, but considering how much of a minority my view is, I'll stop there :):. I simply cannot tell you the security, assurance, and joy that has come in our relationship because there was absolute clarity from day one. There is no day-to-day drama, no insecurity and wondering about how honest or interested she is (as she doesn't stress about me in that way)...and it's just worked out beautifully.

* This, obviously, takes a guy with strong Christian backbone who is willing to put himself out there in such a way at the beginning. I'd say any guy who is unwilling to discuss these things is one you should stay far away from. You need someone who is hopelessly devoted to the Lord, and knows how he will lead, love, provide and sacrifice for you, and is courageous enough to act on those ideals. Anyone less is not worth your time or affection. Be very patient. Wait. Guard your heart. Then when such a godly man appears, you will know without any uncertainty that your heart is safe in his care.

**As far as books....I'd recommend anything by Elisabeth Elliot. Specifically, Passion and Purity, which is the story of how she came to love her first husband Jim Elliot, who was murdered for preaching the gospel in the mission-fields of South America, soon after their marriage. Since, she has devoted her life to helping younger women through this process. Find a Jim Elliot. And don't waste your heart or time on lesser men.

[Not by Sight]

That is most excellent advice, Wilber.

[ginseng]

I second that motion!

Run out today and purchase "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Eliot. It is a classic. Most who read it go back to it time and time again. I've read it 5 or 6 times myself.

It will inspire you.

[Gordon b]

My advice based on twenty years of marriage. Skip the dating and elope .

[katylake]

3) Talk about the important things first. With my current girlfriend (who was my first, and Lord-willing, last, as I plan to propose), we had talked many long hours about our views on the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives, the purpose of marriage, approaches to parenting, birth control beliefs, family situations, how we expect to serve together in our local bodies as a couple, possible needs to move, jobs, finances and debt, boundaries for physical intimacies before marriage, and our personal strengths and faults......before (and on) our first date.

Before and on your first date??? :freaked :twitch

Sheesh, Wilber! No one can say you aren't a fast operator!

At best, I'd feel like I was on a job interview, and at worst, I'd be looking for the lady's room to make a quick exit! Is there anything wrong about taking a little time to discover one another rather than engaging in dating that's more like filling out an application? What's your rush?

Sound extreme? Think about this: if we discovered that we had irreconcilable differences in some of these areas, we could cut it off right then, remain friends, and spare ourselves much trouble and emotional pain. Again, why would I pursue someone toward marriage who I don't know would be spiritually compatible as a lifelong mate?

Yeah, and save yourself all that money on dating! (It IS like a job application!)

I'm glad your plan worked so well for you, Wilbur, and I sincerely wish you the best of luck. You just prove there's someone out there for everyone...!

[Hyssop]

Some things to consider from my experience

1) The purpose of "dating" for the Christian is to pursue the possibility of marriage. That should be your intent from day 1. It's not a binding commitment in that you're committing to marry them one day, but it should be openly known between you two that this is not just trivial hanging out and strong emotional attachment for the sake of not being lonely or something, with a vague hope that something may come of it. This implies a lot of other things....

2) Make sure they are marriage quality before you date them. Why open yourself up to a relationship whose supposed purpose is marriage, and the attendant emotional attachment, if you aren't even sure that they're going to be a Biblical husband/wife?

3) Talk about the important things first. With my current girlfriend (who was my first, and Lord-willing, last, as I plan to propose), we had talked many long hours about our views on the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives, the purpose of marriage, approaches to parenting, birth control beliefs, family situations, how we expect to serve together in our local bodies as a couple, possible needs to move, jobs, finances and debt, boundaries for physical intimacies before marriage, and our personal strengths and faults......before (and on) our first date. Sound extreme? Think about this: if we discovered that we had irreconcilable differences in some of these areas, we could cut it off right then, remain friends, and spare ourselves much trouble and emotional pain. Again, why would I pursue someone toward marriage who I don't know would be spiritually compatible as a lifelong mate?

There's plenty more that I could share, but considering how much of a minority my view is, I'll stop there :):. I simply cannot tell you the security, assurance, and joy that has come in our relationship because there was absolute clarity from day one. There is no day-to-day drama, no insecurity and wondering about how honest or interested she is (as she doesn't stress about me in that way)...and it's just worked out beautifully.

* This, obviously, takes a guy with strong Christian backbone who is willing to put himself out there in such a way at the beginning. I'd say any guy who is unwilling to discuss these things is one you should stay far away from. You need someone who is hopelessly devoted to the Lord, and knows how he will lead, love, provide and sacrifice for you, and is courageous enough to act on those ideals. Anyone less is not worth your time or affection. Be very patient. Wait. Guard your heart. Then when such a godly man appears, you will know without any uncertainty that your heart is safe in his care.

**As far as books....I'd recommend anything by Elisabeth Elliot. Specifically, Passion and Purity, which is the story of how she came to love her first husband Jim Elliot, who was murdered for preaching the gospel in the mission-fields of South America, soon after their marriage. Since, she has devoted her life to helping younger women through this process. Find a Jim Elliot. And don't waste your heart or time on lesser men.


Wow. That is the most wonderful post I've read here in a long time. Powerful and beautiful, full of both simplicity and strength... (and wisdom!)

God's abundant blessings to you and your future wife!

YSIC, Hyssop

[A_AmericanSaint]

My advice based on twenty years of marriage. Skip the dating and elope .


Hehe good advice! I second it!

Saint

[toddlemom]

Passion and Purity is an excellent book :nod I read it right before dating DH. At first I thought E. Elliott was a whack-job then read it again and she did make sense.

Also, I dunno how old Wilber is but when you are of a "certain age" :whistle you just want to cut to the chase. I remember on our second date interviewing DH about how he became a Christian. I wanted details because I guy I had dated previously assured me he was a Christian. Well, come to find out he was just telling me what I wanted to hear.

Good luck, sis!

YSIC
ann

[antsinmypants]

Great Advise Wilbur!
I never got to that on the first conversation, but we got to most of those before too much was invested iykwim.
:hug

[HiLaReE320]

Those all sound like awesome books, but I was wondering more on the lines of... Well ok I've found someone. Now what do we do, until we get married? How do we help each other's walk with Christ? You know? I don't know how else to explain it... hmm

[twelvesmaster]

Great Advise Wilbur!
I never got to that on the first conversation, but we got to most of those before too much was invested iykwim.
:hugWhat's iykwim? :confused

[antsinmypants]

Those all sound like awesome books, but I was wondering more on the lines of... Well ok I've found someone. Now what do we do, until we get married? How do we help each other's walk with Christ? You know? I don't know how else to explain it... hmm

Josh Harris has books that detail what he did in the dating/engaged/married status.

The "Lady in Waiting" isn't just for dating, but dating/single/married/divorced/widowed women. I've even heard of bible studies on this that guys started getting involved with on this subject.

The Mary Heart in the Martha World is more "woman geared" same story as last book. I've heard of guys reading/participating in this study as well as this is for women of all walks of life... this is more geared towards getting your heart right with G-d before helping others in their walk and in their life.

There are lots of books. Many people have suggested for the getting to the engaged/engaged/married couples the "Power of a Praying Couple" as well as "power of a praying wife" books.

Many people go to couple's studies and prayer groups as well.

What's iykwim? :confused
If You Know What I Mean

[Xanadu]

I'm so happy for you dear! :hug May the Lord Bless both of you and use you as a team to accomplish His will in your lives together. :yay Just take it slow and always let the Lord be in the center of the relationship. :nod :D:

[Not by Sight]

Avoid temptation. It is wise to not spend time alone at either of your houses. Meeting in public places or at the homes of family is a great way to sepnd time courting, but prevents the temptation for physical involvement. Set boundaries regarding that as well. Many dating Christian couples have sworn off kissing until marriage as it truly opens the floodgates of passion.

Pray together. Attend church together. Study the word together. Spend time with each other's families.