Children with ADHD or autism

[architectlink]

I've recently noticed many friends pulling their hair out because one of their children has ADHD or autism. Many of these friends have become Christian through their struggles with their children and their dependence on Christ's guidance.

This seems so common now that so many of these Christian girlfriends are all thinking of homeschooling these children in a more Christian environment.

One devote Christian friend pointed out to me that she thought that God was raising up HIS army of young people through this and that HE was placing heart condition ABOVE book knowledge. I felt chills when she told me this, because my son certainly has a heart for God and has really been ostracised because he is not like all of the other children.

It certainly seems interesting, now that all of these bright and active children are being home and community schooled where GOD is definitely at the top of the list. Anyone else notice how God's army seems to be forming?

[coffeehubby]

My daughter has that, as do I. It is a very frustrating handicapp, as I'm sure I've exasperated a few people here with my short attention span! But I'm told my girl has a big heart, I don't know.

[Heather]

Second post - changed my mind after my first.

I disagree. I believe rates of ADHD are coincidental and due to "earthly" issues rather than heavenly ones.

Wow. That's a lot better than post #1. :lol

Edit: People say the same thing about my disability. Oh, we are loving, eager to please, affectionate... blah blah. That doesn't mean God did this to us. MAN did. God uses it for good. [Heather stops and puts a cork in it right there].

[Momoftwo]

I will be homeschooling my daughter, not due to anything like ADD or autism, but because our church is a very strong homeschooling church and the kids are just, quite simply amazing. And well-mannered too, go figure. :o)

However, recently two of my friends that homeschool related to me that, while one has an autistic daughter, and one has an ADD son, both of their children had horrible reactions to their childhood immunizations. In fact, the one friend who has six kids, her first four had horrible reactions and their daughter suffered from seizures and developed autism and was in diapers and couldn't speak until she was six. There were tainted shots and some of the kids reacted very badly to the mercury in the shots. Another friend's two kids, same thing. She homeschooled them as well. It's a disturbing trend, the reactions to the shots and as a result of being called a pain in the behind and stupid parents by the pediatricians, they no longer follow the western medicine theories of healing their kids, but through homeschooling, where they can watch the kids very closely, and a natural, organic diet, all these kids have done amazingly well and the autistic girl is now a beautiful 12 year old, articulate, delicate, darling young lady. The schools are chock full of kids who have suffered allergies or reactions to their immunizations, whose parents do not recognize these problems, don't regulate the kids' diets and the result is our public school chaos of today.

Anyway, I probably got off the beaten track, but we will be going down the homeschool route in a few years, too.

[Heather]

Like I said, MAN causes these problems. :nod

[toddlemom]

I think there might be a genetic tendency in our family, as far as Augsberger's syndrome -- a pervasive developmental disorder. Some folks think Augsberger's is part of Autism and some don't. (I don't know ...) We have another cousin who definitely has autism. His mom does attribute it to vaccines.

YSIC
Ann

[mls67]

momoftwo I agree with you about the mercury poisoning. go to www.mercola.com and do a search on this and many other things that our great government is doing,,amazes me



Mike

[coffeehubby]

People don't always catch on that my daughter has a disability, because she knows how to cover herself pretty good. Not like we get anything for it. But anyone trying to teach her would know, as I did, from birth...there was something different about her that had nothing to do with upbringing or enviroment ( diet). It's who she is. Both of us are that way.
For my daughter it did force her to depend on Jesus in a way alot of people wouldn't.

[Chrysolyte]

My son has autism which I don't attribute to vacines. However, I am glad that they have taken the mercury out of chidhood vacines. It doesn't seem to be a good idea to put mercury in your body anyways. My special needs child has turned out to be one of the biggest blessings in my life. I definately feel God leading me through this.

[Heather]

What you said applies a lot to me, Coffee. I am very good, too good, at "hiding" my disability. :frusty And it does force me to rely more on God, and other people, than I would if I'd been "normal".

There's no way I would qualify for benefits, even though I can't keep a job or even drive. :frusty :rolleyes I'm not THAT disabled. I seem so NORMAL. :puke

Sorry... turning this into my soapbox. Logging off now.

[Momoftwo]

My son has autism which I don't attribute to vacines. However, I am glad that they have taken the mercury out of chidhood vacines. It doesn't seem to be a good idea to put mercury in your body anyways. My special needs child has turned out to be one of the biggest blessings in my life. I definately feel God leading me through this.

It is my understanding that there is still mercury in the vaccines because for the pharm companies to take it out and acknowledge it would open the door to too many lawsuits from parents with affected children. Thus, it's still in most of them. At least that's what I have been told by two moms doing extensive research.

Yes, it is scary what we don't know. Lord, somedays I want to never let my kids out the door.:faint

[Leigh]

I disagree. I believe rates of ADHD are coincidental and due to "earthly" issues rather than heavenly ones.

Wow. That's a lot better than post #1. :lol

Edit: People say the same thing about my disability. Oh, we are loving, eager to please, affectionate... blah blah. That doesn't mean God did this to us. MAN did. God uses it for good. [Heather stops and puts a cork in it right there].
I don't believe Architectlink meant that God is doing this [ADD] to children. She means that God is taking a bad thing and showing parents a different way to handle it, and the children benefit. :nod

Right? :B:

[coffeehubby]

My daughter had a lot of anger towards people because she felt short-changed in life, because of different handicapps she has. What do you tell someone? "It'll be fine in the sweet by and by" ?
Her prospects for work and a good life are pretty slim. I'm not sure if I can tell her that God is using this for her good....it is too easy to say it...except I have gone through it. She is pretty smart, I was told she has a very high IQ ( from her mom I suppose) so she might beat the odds. Guess that's up to her adopted family.

[IM_HIS]

Like I said, MAN causes these problems. :nod

Heather and everyone else,

I have an eight year old son with a genetic abnormality (Trisomy 21). As I am growing and maturing (thanks in a LARGE way to him) I'm beginning to wonder.... when I watch Jonah play, laugh, love, sing his way through life I am often struck literally dumb at how....perfect he is. I struggled for alot of years with guilt....what could I have done differently? What did I do wrong? But Jonah is showing me (without words as he is now, and will likely remain, totally non-verbal) that he is fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm not certain that he is a man-made abnormality anymore. I'm beginning to realize that he is EXACTLY the way God intended him to be. And the problem doesn't lie with Jonah; it lies with a society that deems children with Trisomy 21 as being unworthy of life. God knew what he was doing when he blessed me with the gift of Jonah. I'm finding that I have to find the strength of character, the depth of love to accept that gift in the manner in which it was intended.

I'm not trying to start an argument here. I'd really like to hear from Heather, as you have stated that you have a disability. I'm sorry Heather, but I didn't realize that. Would you mind sharing a little about YOUR experience, as a bright, articulate woman who is living with a disability. Do you feel like God intended you to be this way? If this is too personal, I totally understand. Like I said, I'm not looking for an argument, or to hurt anyone's feelings.

Loving Jonah has been an incredible journey for me, physically, mentally, spiritually....I'm just wondering, with all the blessings (and the heartaches too that come from living with a child with a chronic, potentially fatal heart defect)that God has bestowed on me, how this (Jonah's condition) could be anything OTHER than what God intended.....

YSIC,
Anji
Mom to Sarah, Jacov, Jonah and Levi

[Momoftwo]

IM_HIS, you sound like an AWESOME mom! And I just love your kids' names. I will need to refresh my memory about Trisomy 21.
In March 2004, when I was pregnant with our little late in life surprise baby, Alison, in utero, she tested positive for Downs Syndrome. Literally after the words were out of the midwife's mouth, she asked me if this was a pregnancy I wanted to terminate. That shocked me nearly as much as the diagnosis. After researching online, I was amazed to find out the amount of false positives both with blood test and amnio. And then to find out that 80-90% of all Downs positive babies are terminated. That's why you don't see so many around anymore. And for what? Why do we feel this need to breed perfectly in this terribly, terribly imperfect world? Would God have given me sufficient grace to handle raising a Down's child? Absolutely! It turned out the diagnosis was wrong, she was born fine and healthy, but through that false positive, I entered onto a highway of real soul searching. I find any child with a disability, physical, mental, chromosomal, anyway, to be absolutely beautiful and among the most perfect creations that God made. Why? BECAUSE HE MADE THEM! We are ALL fearfully and wonderfully made. God bless you.

[coffeehubby]

My sister has some very handicapped children, by marriage, and the doctor tried to get her to abort her baby because he probably is downs syndrome. He is due August 11 at 12:30....she's going "ceasar-salad"
To her my sister talk about her children I do her alot of joy, and alot of frustration too in her son, dealing with rages and tantrums. But she loves them all very much..

[mama_bear]

I find it difficult to believe that my son's autism is from the Lord.

This has devastated me and the family. Our lives have completely changed in how we do everything. I was seriously depressed for many months after he was diagnosed.

I would not wish this "disability" on anyone.

I do believe, however, that the Lord can use this for his Glory.

[coffeehubby]

I do understand where you're going with this threadand commend you for it. But it is frustrating all the same for parents.

[bopeep1909]

I think there might be a genetic tendency in our family, as far as Augsberger's syndrome -- a pervasive developmental disorder. Some folks think Augsberger's is part of Autism and some don't. (I don't know ...) We have another cousin who definitely has autism. His mom does attribute it to vaccines.

YSIC
Ann

Do you mean Aspbergers syndrome?<><

[Suzy]

Wow~ I certainly didn't realize that there were so many of us in the same boat. I have a son that has an anoxic brain injury from birth. He's bright, gentle and compassionate but still there's remenants of his brain injury that he has to face. He has ADD, Asberger's and is very uncoordinated but not quite in the realm of palsy. I've tried the home-schooling route because I've encountered some difficulty with teachers openly expressing resentment and frustration towards my son. The home school didn't work out well--seeing that I still have to work full time to support my family so my son went back to public school.

[springfield]

Do you mean Aspbergers syndrome?
Do you mean Asperger's disorder?

:lol Sorry, couldn't resist! :hug

[Diane B]

My 8 year old has Aspergers. His father most likely has it also.

IT WAS NOT FROM IMMUNIZATIONS! Jack was "weird" even before he got a single shot. I delayed his first vaccines until he was nearly 4 months old and trust me, we were having problems with the poor little guy well before then. (He cried, fussed or screamed most of the time. Could NOT be comforted. After a short and unsuccessful stint of breastfeeding, he was on five different formulas before he ever had a single immunization. My in-laws who lived close to us thought it was my fault. My family who lived far away couldn't understand him. It was horrible.)

Fortunately, our pediatrician diagnosed Jack when he was 6. Jack also has ADHD. This was determined when he was 5. We delayed medicating him until he was 7 1/2. He functions so much better with the low dose of his med.

On another note, Jack is the sweetest and most compassionate child in the world. He instinctively thinks of others. His teachers in the private school appreciated him for this. Unfortunately, he was not getting the best education in the private school. We are homeschooling this year. So far, he has enjoyed what we have done so far this summer and I know that he will suceed in school and life. I pray that he can make a contribution to the world with his sweet disposition for our Lord. Jack was saved at school in kindergarten. I pray that our dd also will come to the Lord (she is only 5) this year as we homeschool her.

This is a bit of a sensitive issue. I have no doubts that some believe that the immunizations caused their child's autism. I just am irritated by a friend who insists that our problems could be attributed to them.

[toddlemom]

This is what I meant ...

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

I don't think it helps family for others to say "This is what caused it," or "Why did you ..." or "Why didn't you ..." Because my mom and dad are still beating themselves up for my brother's situation, thinking what could they have done differently.

DB has an extremely high IQ and survived high school and college and went into engineering. Home schooling was not an option back then. Sort of like the "Rein Deer Games" in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer TV show .... you had to fit in or else! Which was very hard for DB

I would not be a Christian if not for DB. He had such a difficult time in social situations (still does) that he plugged into a very Christ-centered church in college, very accepting people (lots of fellow engineering studetns ;): ) and I followed him into that church and was saved myself :thumb

God used his situation for good in his life and the rest of the family's ...

I worked with children and adults in all sorts of situations when I was a therapeutic horseback riding instructor. Parents of disabled children should receive an extra crown in Heaven.

YSIC
Ann

[Shogun74]

Like I said, MAN causes these problems. :nod


More than you could possibly know Heather. The Biggest reason for an increase in Autism especily, it is not because of genetic weakeness, It has more to do with Thimerosal, A Mecury based preservitive that is deliberatly put into imunisations for children, and even though it was protested and people were told it was taken out, the dosage was increased to 200 times the safe levels (if any mercury in the brain can have a safe level).

You want to know what mercury can do to developing nurons (the brain cells) check out the video from the University of Calgary.
http://commons.ucalgary.ca/mercury/

Then tell me the government has your best intrests at heart.

[Shogun74]

Doh! shoulda read the rest of the posts before writing mine :), I see most of you guys are already on the ball with this one.

This is a real issue with me because my son developed slight learning problems (nothing major thankfully) which only stated showing up after he received his Imunisations, Just little things that he couldn't quite grasp, he wont be getting any more thats for sure....

[Julie E]

Wow~ I certainly didn't realize that there were so many of us in the same boat. I have a son that has an anoxic brain injury from birth. He's bright, gentle and compassionate but still there's remnants of his brain injury that he has to face. He has ADD, Asberger's and is very uncoordinated but not quite in the realm of palsy. I've tried the home-schooling route because I've encountered some difficulty with teachers openly expressing resentment and frustration towards my son. The home school didn't work out well--seeing that I still have to work full time to support my family so my son went back to public school.

i work with the profoundly handicapped ...every day...it is a very difficult job..because of the different behaviors i encounter...open expression concerning frustration is common...because it is very very difficult...especially when you have a class of 30-35 other students...it is very very hard...in spite of the teachers frustration...your son needs to learn that it is not a good thing to run around or yell...or beat on things...(just examples)....it is one thing to have a 5 year old do this ...but when the individual gets into his 20s and still does this....they are hindered in getting community based jobs....as tough as it is....the social interaction is the most important thing your son can be getting...(this is above academic learning)...you and the school need to stay on the same page as to behavior modification....if he is told not to jump and yell in class.....you need to back that up at home...i realize this is exhausting work....it only is learned through repetition..... when he learns appropriate behavior....he will be able to hold a community job even if it is really basic...objectivity is sooooo difficult as a parent....you want to protect...and get angry when other people get impatient and frustrated...but that is the world we live in...and the behavior if improper will bring on impatience and frustration...like i said ..working in this field or as a teacher having individuals (who have the same rights to an education as every one else..)...it is a very difficult task...that is why we rely so much on the special Ed staff...which hopefully your school district has.../julie

[IM_HIS]

IM_HIS, you sound like an AWESOME mom! And I just love your kids' names. I will need to refresh my memory about Trisomy 21.
.

Momoftwo

Trisomy 21 is another name for Down syndrome. I love my kiddos names too!!
You are correct in that most (around 90%) of known cases of DS are aborted. If these parents only knew what they were missing......:cry

Anji

PS Thanks for the kudos, but most days I feel like I just bumble my way through motherhood, using trial and error and striking blindly in the dark. Some days I get lucky, some days I just get a migraine....

[Momoftwo]

Momoftwo

Trisomy 21 is another name for Down syndrome. I love my kiddos names too!!
You are correct in that most (around 90%) of known cases of DS are aborted. If these parents only knew what they were missing......:cry

Anji

PS Thanks for the kudos, but most days I feel like I just bumble my way through motherhood, using trial and error and striking blindly in the dark. Some days I get lucky, some days I just get a migraine....

Sweetie, I have those days with my 15 1/2 year old daughter and there's not a thing wrong with her except she's a teenage girl! :pound You are awesome!

[IM_HIS]

I find it difficult to believe that my son's autism is from the Lord.

This has devastated me and the family. Our lives have completely changed in how we do everything. I was seriously depressed for many months after he was diagnosed.

I would not wish this "disability" on anyone.

I do believe, however, that the Lord can use this for his Glory.

mama_bear,
I understand the devastation....knowing that my son will never live independently, will always look to me for EVERYTHING in life, long after our other children have taken their rightful places in society. And I get scared, and depressed and wonder....HOW in the world can I do this? And WHY should I have to?

I didn't want you to think that I would "wish" my son's condition on anyone. I wouldn't. And I'd change him in a heartbeat, if I could. But I can't, and perhaps that's what made me let go of some of the anger, depression, sadness that I carried with me for a couple of years after his birth. God has never brought us to a place with Jonah and then left us. He has been faithful to carry us through. And the daily reminder of that in our lives (through Jonah's presence with us, when the doctors say he "should" have been dead) allows me to remain closer to God than I've ever been in my life.

It's been a rollercoaster ride, that's for sure!! But overall, my dependency on Christ and his grace, strength, and mere presence in my life has increased dramatically since Jonah was born. I can only think that's a blessing in alot of ways.....

YSIC
Anji

[IM_HIS]

Sweetie, I have those days with my 15 1/2 year old daughter and there's not a thing wrong with her except she's a teenage girl! :pound You are awesome!

My oldest, a girl, is about to turn 13. THe last few months with her have been....interesting to say the least. You mean it doesn't get better? :faint

Anji

[Pendragon]

As for me I just wanted to add my 2 cents into this conversasion Like many were saying......What's for dinner tonight? Ummm where were we? Ok I am sorry I forgot what was the topic?

[IM_HIS]

I have to share a story about Jonah. This happened about 3 years ago, when he was 5. We were at the hospital, in the surgery waiting area. It was early, around 5:30 or so and we were waiting our turn to be processed in. Jonah doesn't wait patiently, so I was on edge, still bleary eyed and he was ticked cause he couldn't eat or drink, and couldn't understand WHY. I had been chasing him all over the place for about 20 minutes, when this mom and her daughter came in. Mom was older, daughter was severely handicapped and strapped into her wheelchair. THe wheelchair caught Jonah's eye and before I could grab him, he was over there, checking out the wheels, etc. Other mom ignored him, so I just watched to make sure he wouldn't hurt the other girl. When he looked at her and saw her, really saw her, you can't imagine the look on his face. You would have thought he was looking at the Hope Diamond. He literally crawled up the wheel of the chair, leaned over and laid his little hands on her face. Laid his head on hers, kissed her on top of the head, and "jabbered" something. I have no idea what he said to her, but he knows, and I believe she knows. Even though her movements were uncoordinated, she turned her head and smiled this smile that was....indescribable.

Jonah's unconditional acceptance has often humbled me, but that day it left me in tears. EVERYONE else in the room had just ignored their presence. I've done it before Jonah, just look the other way cause it's not nice to stare.... that mom and I had a nice chat while we waiting for our children to be taken to surgery. And I realized that day that Jonah can teach me a WHOLE lot, if I keep my heart open, and let him lead me.

YSIC
Anji

[JustGodsChild]

I have a Son with autism. I also, have a daughter with ADHD. I believe the Lord would not give us these children if we could not handle them. I struggled with being depressed after having them diagnosed. I asked God why me? many times. A verse just came to me as to me and I hope this is some encouragment to you:

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

[Fervent4Him]

i work with the profoundly handicapped ...every day...it is a very difficult job..because of the different behaviors i encounter...open expression concerning frustration is common...because it is very very difficult...especially when you have a class of 30-35 other students...it is very very hard...in spite of the teachers frustration...your son needs to learn that it is not a good thing to run around or yell...or beat on things...(just examples)....it is one thing to have a 5 year old do this ...but when the individual gets into his 20s and still does this....they are hindered in getting community based jobs....as tough as it is....the social interaction is the most important thing your son can be getting...(this is above academic learning)...you and the school need to stay on the same page as to behavior modification....if he is told not to jump and yell in class.....you need to back that up at home...i realize this is exhausting work....it only is learned through repetition..... when he learns appropriate behavior....he will be able to hold a community job even if it is really basic...objectivity is sooooo difficult as a parent....you want to protect...and get angry when other people get impatient and frustrated...but that is the world we live in...and the behavior if improper will bring on impatience and frustration...like i said ..working in this field or as a teacher having individuals (who have the same rights to an education as every one else..)...it is a very difficult task...that is why we rely so much on the special Ed staff...which hopefully your school district has.../julie


Walk a mile in my shoes, Julie. "Exhausting work"???, you don't know the half of it. "need to back this up at home"???? :rolleyes

Although it was sure to be well-meaning, I find your post to be patronizing and condescending.

[Suzy]

i work with the profoundly handicapped ...every day...it is a very difficult job..because of the different behaviors i encounter...open expression concerning frustration is common...because it is very very difficult...especially when you have a class of 30-35 other students...it is very very hard...in spite of the teachers frustration...your son needs to learn that it is not a good thing to run around or yell...or beat on things...(just examples)....it is one thing to have a 5 year old do this ...but when the individual gets into his 20s and still does this....they are hindered in getting community based jobs....as tough as it is....the social interaction is the most important thing your son can be getting...(this is above academic learning)...you and the school need to stay on the same page as to behavior modification....if he is told not to jump and yell in class.....you need to back that up at home...i realize this is exhausting work....it only is learned through repetition..... when he learns appropriate behavior....he will be able to hold a community job even if it is really basic...objectivity is sooooo difficult as a parent....you want to protect...and get angry when other people get impatient and frustrated...but that is the world we live in...and the behavior if improper will bring on impatience and frustration...like i said ..working in this field or as a teacher having individuals (who have the same rights to an education as every one else..)...it is a very difficult task...that is why we rely so much on the special Ed staff...which hopefully your school district has.../julie

If my son actually had negative behaviors, then their providing discipline wouldn't have been a problem for me. My son is NOT hyperactive, he's has attention deficit disorder. There is a difference--though the two seem to go hand in hand most of the time. He doesn't exhibit disruptive behaviors--at least according to his teachers he doesn't. Thing is, it takes my son a little longer to complete school assignments--and sometimes, he just doesn't 'get' the instructions the first time they are presented. They sometimes they need to be repeated--sometimes several times before he understands them. It's frustrating for me--so I'm sure that it would be frustrating for any teacher. My issue was solely that a couple of teachers took that frustration to a place where it ought not have been. They continually belittled him in front of his classmates. They had my son call my work several times a day from the phone in the classroom during classtime--right in front of the entire class to 'inform' me that he couldn't manage to finish an assignment during class time, or that he didn't follow the instructions on some portion of his work correctly--things of this nature. This wasn't a once a week occurance, it was 2-3 times a day! When I finally had an opportunity to speak directly with his primary teacher, in no certain terms she told me that since I opted to not medicate my son--she nor her co-teacher shouldn't have to 'deal' with him. (This was a brand new school, there were 2 teachers for 22 fourth grade students.) I also asked if it was common discipline to have students call parents during classtime--and the answer was NO. At the time, my son carried an assignment planner with him so that he could journal what work he needed to complete at home so that I could follow up with him at the end of the day. There was no need for the plethora of phone calls. According to the co-teacher, she felt that the embarrassment of having to call me in front of his peers may force my son to be more responsible with his time and attention. Efforts to rectify the problem between the teachers and my son didn't get us anywhere... so ultimately, he was pulled from that particular classroom situation and homeschooled for the remainder of the year.

Frankly, I do not deny the fact that teaching my son is frustrating. The repeativeness can be exasperating. He requires more time and attention than the rest of his mainstream classmates. This is not in question. It's the reaction spurned from that frustration that in this situation, was inappropriate.

[bopeep1909]

Do you mean Asperger's disorder?

:lol Sorry, couldn't resist! :hug

No I believe it is Asperger's syndrome





What Is Asperger Syndrome?

By Barbara L. Kirby
Founder of the OASIS Web site (www.aspergersyndrome.org)
Co-author of THE OASIS GUIDE TO ASPERGER SYNDROME (Crown, 2001, Revised 2005)
Asperger Syndrome or (Asperger's Disorder) is a neurobiological disorder named for a Viennese physician, Hans Asperger, who in 1944 published a paper which described a pattern of behaviors in several young boys who had normal intelligence and language development, but who also exhibited autistic-like behaviors and marked deficiencies in social and communication skills. In spite of the publication of his paper in the 1940's, it wasn't until 1994 that Asperger Syndrome was added to the DSM IV and only in the past few years has AS been recognized by professionals and parents.

Individuals with AS can exhibit a variety of characteristics and the disorder can range from mild to severe. Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. They have a great deal of difficulty reading nonverbal cues (body language) and very often the individual with AS has difficulty determining proper body space. Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells, and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see. It's important to remember that the person with AS perceives the world very differently. Therefore, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and most certainly not the result of "improper parenting".

By definition, those with AS have a normal IQ and many individuals (although not all), exhibit exceptional skill or talent in a specific area. Because of their high degree of functionality and their naiveté, those with AS are often viewed as eccentric or odd and can easily become victims of teasing and bullying. While language development seems, on the surface, normal, individuals with AS often have deficits in pragmatics and prosody. Vocabularies may be extraordinarily rich and some children sound like "little professors." However, persons with AS can be extremely literal and have difficulty using language in a social context.

At this time there is a great deal of debate as to exactly where AS fits. It is presently described as an autism spectrum disorder and Uta Frith, in her book AUTISM AND ASPERGER'S SYNDROME, described AS individuals as "having a dash of Autism". Some professionals feel that AS is the same as High Functioning Autism, while others feel that it is better described as a Nonverbal Learning Disability. AS shares many of the characteristics of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder; Not otherwise specified), HFA, and NLD and because it was virtually unknown until a few years ago, many individuals either received an incorrect diagnosis or remained undiagnosed. For example, it is not at all uncommon for a child who was initially diagnosed with ADD or ADHD be re-diagnosed with AS. In addition, some individuals who were originally diagnosed with HFA or PDD-NOS are now being given the AS diagnosis and many individuals have a dual diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome and High Functioning Autism.

[Cindybobindy]

I have to share a story about Jonah. This happened about 3 years ago, when he was 5. We were at the hospital, in the surgery waiting area. It was early, around 5:30 or so and we were waiting our turn to be processed in. Jonah doesn't wait patiently, so I was on edge, still bleary eyed and he was ticked cause he couldn't eat or drink, and couldn't understand WHY. I had been chasing him all over the place for about 20 minutes, when this mom and her daughter came in. Mom was older, daughter was severely handicapped and strapped into her wheelchair. THe wheelchair caught Jonah's eye and before I could grab him, he was over there, checking out the wheels, etc. Other mom ignored him, so I just watched to make sure he wouldn't hurt the other girl. When he looked at her and saw her, really saw her, you can't imagine the look on his face. You would have thought he was looking at the Hope Diamond. He literally crawled up the wheel of the chair, leaned over and laid his little hands on her face. Laid his head on hers, kissed her on top of the head, and "jabbered" something. I have no idea what he said to her, but he knows, and I believe she knows. Even though her movements were uncoordinated, she turned her head and smiled this smile that was....indescribable.

Jonah's unconditional acceptance has often humbled me, but that day it left me in tears. EVERYONE else in the room had just ignored their presence. I've done it before Jonah, just look the other way cause it's not nice to stare.... that mom and I had a nice chat while we waiting for our children to be taken to surgery. And I realized that day that Jonah can teach me a WHOLE lot, if I keep my heart open, and let him lead me.

YSIC
Anji


Anji,
Beautiful story!!! Thanks so much for sharing it.

I too have an autistic son. In many ways he is a huge blessing to our family. But, his disorder in many ways is also a VERY huge challenge for our whole family.
We have not been out to eat as a whole family in about 10 years. We cannot go on vacations. We cannot go to many functions (Church services, etc) due to our son's autism. It PERMEATES EVERY ASPECT of our lives.
And let me tell you...you DON'T KNOW OR UNDERSTAND it unless you live it. The same way that I cannot POSSIBLY understand truly what a person fighting cancer is truly going through, unless I myself go through it. There is just no way. (people, please dont think Im being ugly here...Im just trying to point out what I think is a very important fact)

Autism used to be called childhood schizophrenia.......it is a very difficult thing to face day in and day out. I battle anger, frustration, depression, at God all the time for allowing this to happen to my son. And, all of us that deal with this deal with it at our own pace and time too.
To be quite honest there are days that I abhore autism. And any day...I would gladly give up my life, to make my son whole, if it were possible.

Sorry I have ranted so much here....but it is a VERY emotional subject. This rant was not aimed at any one person imparticular.

[IM_HIS]

Cindy,
I can understand in part what you're saying. Jonah doesn't have autism, but his behaviours are....unacceptable to society in a lot of ways. Just trying to keep him safe in any place outside the home takes a HUGE effort. The last time I tried to do something "normal" with our kids was 2 summers ago when I took all the kids to a free movie. While leaving, Jonah (who was 6 at the time) got away from me (I was holding my 3 year old's hand, Jonah's hand, my purse and keys) while herding my then 9 and 10 year olds to the van. He ran into the parking lot and "hit" a van that was pulling out. The van didn't hit him, he literally ran into the side of it. He got knocked on his butt, the woman driving the van like to have had a heart attack, and I had the mother of all panic attacks. I couldn't believe I had let that happen to him....while my other children were there watching me fail at being a mom. We don't do the family together things either.....and it makes me angry, and frustrated, and depressed too.

I just wanted to share, and let you know that you're not alone. It doesn't help, I know, but it's all I had to offer.

YSIC,
Anji

[JustGodsChild]

I hope I am not stepping on toes, but if you allow Autism to rule your life, than it will! I understand that sometimes there are some circumstances that you can't avoid. For me, the mall is not a place we can go too often. However, having a deployed Military husband, I can't avoid some places. We have to do stuff any how. Sometimes kids have to adjust no matter what the circumstances are. We move every 2 1/2 years (so far) but you know what, we adjust. I guess my point is Your Life is Not Your Label.

I hope that I didn't offend anyone, but I know how easy it can be to let autism rule your life.

[Cindybobindy]

JGC :hug
You know I understand your point of view...but you also have to take into account some things here.
I guess in a way autism does run my life. I have a child that cannot look at plates of foods in restaurants or he starts gagging and throwing up. We have tried to take him into restaurants and he starts gagging....trust me...we want to leave, and the people eating want us to leave as well. I will not force my child to endure that type of situation which is hard on himself, and EVERYONE else around him.
When I take him to church...I have to go to his Sunday School class and sit with him , because he requires constant supervision. Then after that I have to drive him home (for hubby to watch) then I drive back to Church and walk into the Church service late each Sunday. Our son cannot handle the music (he covers his ears and cries) nor can he sit through a whole service and sit still.
He requires CONSTANT supervision.....we have had to put inside key locks on all our outside doors because he was going outside (trust me...he was repremanded hundreds of times..and NEVER HAS learned). The final straw was when he took off out our front door (I was gone to the groc. store and hubby was on the pot), and ended up ACROSS the street INSIDE the neighbor's pick-up truck. Over the past year, he has managed to pull the chair up and get the key, unlock the door, and go out at 5:30 am and jump on the trampoline. He sometimes wakens in the middle of the nite...and does things we know nothing about until the next morning. And yes..we have done the baby monitor thing too..but sometimes we sleep through it.
Our son also CANNOT tolerate ANY kind of fly, gnat, mosquito, etc. He absolutely goes into HYSTERICS!!!!!!!!! We are talking blood curdling screams. He cannot stand the SOUND!!!!!!! We can't take him camping, or even outside much at all....he comes unglued. He also cannot handle cows mooing, roosters crowing, or ducks quacking........he will scream and run out of the room (if on a tv commercial or show).

We are spending around 600.00 - 800.00 a month for medical treatments too.
I am right now having to look for work again because of all the medical stuff we are doing we really cannot afford. Yet we HAVE TO DO IT, to try everything within our might to at least get him a bit better, if possible.
I drive a 13 yr old vehicle and hubby's is 8 yrs old.....we sorely need a new vehicle.
We recently joined a pool, and I am working my butt off as the tennis co-ordinator so that my son can swim (he loves to swim). (as the co-ordinator, I get free dues in exchange for working there)
I guess Autism does rule my life........and yes I am bitter and angry about it....cause it quite frankly stinks.
Ok..Im gonna shut up now...because I am gonna say some things that I really will regret later. :tape

[JustGodsChild]

Cindy, I am sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I have a lot of stuff I deal with too. As you know, we have talked at length about it before. I guess, just know that God would never give you a child with a Disability if you couldn't handle it. My point was, that your life is not the label. Sure it's apart of it, but not all of it. I know know easy it can to be wrapped up in the autism spectrum of life. But do something for yourself if you can. I am truly sorry if I offended you. I know how rough it can be, so please know I am not trying to judge because I've been there. :hug

[Cindybobindy]

JGC,
Im sorry too...please forgive me....
I just get tired of the day in day out with it....it NEVER changes..and it will NEVER get much better. We will be dealing with this the rest of our lives, and have to try to plan for his future care (which I am also trying to look into). It is a heartbreaking thing, as I am sure you are well aware of.
My son will NEVER be able to care for himself. (unless a miracle happens) It is a very deep hurt and concern I have for him, and his long-term future.
There is a deep grieving that goes on too...(very hard to describe)
Anyway...Im sorry...there is so much to this that hits a real nerve with me, and I am not in good form today for talking about it I guess.
Please forgive my rants too.
~Cindy

[Heather]

Heather and everyone else,

I'd really like to hear from Heather, as you have stated that you have a disability. I'm sorry Heather, but I didn't realize that. Would you mind sharing a little about YOUR experience, as a bright, articulate woman who is living with a disability. Do you feel like God intended you to be this way? If this is too personal, I totally understand. Like I said, I'm not looking for an argument, or to hurt anyone's feelings.


OK, first thing. I am very sensitive about this... probably over-reacted. Ron was like :fear when I told him about my reaction to the thread this morning. :lol So I KNOW I jumped to conclusions. Sorry about that.

Anyway, I have permanent brain damage. It's called Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (as I am fairly high-functioning and tested very high IQ on some things). My birth mother drank - binge drinking, while pregnant with me, during her whole pregnancy. She also attempted suicide by overdose at least once while pregnant with me. It caused a "lag" at first, and doctors rated me as "borderline" development. The fact that birth Mom was having a love affair with Mr. Stoli and Mr. Jim Beam after I was born and spent a lot of her time passed out certainly didn't help my emotional development, I was seriously neglected. Anyway, I was very immature for my age, freaked out (I heard the term meltdown and it fits perfectly) when I had any change in my routine, even just going to the store or the mall as a child. I had a lot of trouble learning when someone explained anything. It wasn't until I learned to read that I learned much at all. Even my husband has a lot of trouble teaching me how to work the vending machines, until I just sat down with a manual. Now I rule. :thumb

Being socially delayed really didn't help. The fact that I have lot of trouble processing spoken information - I ALWAYS watch TV with the closed-captioning on, otherwise I don't get it - sure didn't help social relations either. I was the kid everyone picked on. Because I was undiagnosed for so long I developed what are called "Secondary Disabilities" - namely severe depresssion and a lousy self-esteem. Still have a lot of problems with the self-esteem. I allowed my husband to treat me very badly for years because I thought that's all I deserved. Now he's a new man. :thumb

The really sad thing - my birth mother also shared my disability. When she died, she was living out of her car and all her possessions had been sold off for non-payment of rent. She was married 7 times and had at least one live-in boyfreind. She was never able to lick alcohol, and attempted suicide freqently. After she got saved, she died 2 weeks later of a heart attack. God has a sense of humor. My sister, her husband, and I were all shocked when the coroner told us, but like I said, God has a sense of humor.

With my disability, the rates of suicide are really high. So are the rates of incarceration (over 50%), and oddly enough, drug addiction (70%). Some other statistics - over 90% can't live on our own. 70% have troubles with employment, and it goes on from there. If you want to learn more, you can check out this link: FAS Community Resource Center (http://come-over.to/FASCRC/)

Edit, I will say again, I have this because the people who were supposed to protect me, my parents, made the poor choice to "Try" and have another child after they lost child #1. Knowing that my mother was an unstable alcoholic.

I also have this - and the burden of having to "prove" to some people that I am disabled, because society does not want to admit that alcohol is the major cause of "birth defects". Those "Birth Defects" cause me, and everyone around me, a lot of suffering. That's why I have my signature.

I still have a hard time saying "God gave you a special needs child". How about, you were going to have that child and God gave you the abilty to handle him/her? I find that more palatable.

My husband must also make many, many accomodations so I don't "Overload" and freak out. I love him so much for that. It's far far easier for us to just go to Sam's club during business hours, early on the weekend, than to go at lunchtime during the week or weekend. He protects me and cherishes me. No one in my life had ever cared enough to do this. I love him so much for that.

For over a decade, he had a horrible attitude towards my disability so I really love my new man. :thumb I need protection. I need a lot of accomodations, and he's happy to give them to me. And I kiss him on his head and push his wheelchair off into the sunset. :pound God knew the only man who could look beyond and love the real me, was a blind, head-injured guy, with severe right-sided weakness that requires the use of a wheelchair. We take care of each other. And when he has a brain-damaged moment it doesn't faze me. :):

[toddlemom]

JGC,
Im sorry too...please forgive me....
I just get tired of the day in day out with it....it NEVER changes..and it will NEVER get much better. We will be dealing with this the rest of our lives, and have to try to plan for his future care (which I am also trying to look into). It is a heartbreaking thing, as I am sure you are well aware of.
My son will NEVER be able to care for himself. (unless a miracle happens) It is a very deep hurt and concern I have for him, and his long-term future.
There is a deep grieving that goes on too...(very hard to describe)
Anyway...Im sorry...there is so much to this that hits a real nerve with me, and I am not in good form today for talking about it I guess.
Please forgive my rants too.
~Cindy

:hug

I had to double check your name and state to be sure you aren't my cousin! Your concerns sound a lot like hers. Major issues there about the future ...

Edited to add, Heather, thank you for sharing.

[IM_HIS]

Heather,

Thank you so much for sharing. I have a friend who adopted a child with FAS. He is young yet, only 6, and the delays are becoming more apparent. He is a beautiful child, who needs help and accomodations. She's not sure what the future holds, but I would love to share your response with her. Would you mind if I did that?

Your new man sounds like such a sweetheart. You two obviously love and respect each other VERY much.....and that's what true love is about.

Again Heather, thank you for sharing your story. While your disability is not the same as my son's, it does my "mother's heart" good to hear your success story. For you, friend, have been successful. You are articulate, bright, funny, and open enough to share a very personal part of yourself with me through this forum. May God continue to bless you and keep you, and make His face to shine upon your life.

YSIC
Anji

[Heather]

Oh, yeah, you are welcome to share anything. Please send her a link for the FAS Community Resource Center. They have some great online support groups.

This cannot be emphasized enough for any parent:
ROUTINE!
LIMIT overload!
SOCIAL SKILLS! You will probably have to teach him directly, this is how far away you need to stand from other people. How long to take answering "How are you?" :lol

Those are the biggest things. :hug I am HAPPY to share.

You all are earning "Supermom" crowns in Heaven for loving these kids. My parents did not do so well. :lol

[JustGodsChild]

JGC,
Im sorry too...please forgive me....
I just get tired of the day in day out with it....it NEVER changes..and it will NEVER get much better. We will be dealing with this the rest of our lives, and have to try to plan for his future care (which I am also trying to look into). It is a heartbreaking thing, as I am sure you are well aware of.
My son will NEVER be able to care for himself. (unless a miracle happens) It is a very deep hurt and concern I have for him, and his long-term future.
There is a deep grieving that goes on too...(very hard to describe)
Anyway...Im sorry...there is so much to this that hits a real nerve with me, and I am not in good form today for talking about it I guess.
Please forgive my rants too.
~Cindy

:hug Again, I apologize. I know how you feel. I grieved for my son too when I got his diagnosis. I will be dealing with it for the rest of my life, the older he gets, the further behind I see he is to people his own age. But I rejoice at the progress he has made.

You are a great mom, don't let anyone tell you different. :hug

[Abiding in Him]

Hi Everybody - My daughter has Rett's Syndrome - a severe mental and physical disability. I cannot begin to tell you how devastating this was for me - how deeply depressed, grief-stricken and heart-broken I was. But I soon came to discover that my daughter was not a tragedy but a blessing from God. He gave Laura to me to bring me to my knees and into His Everlasting Arms.

[JustGodsChild]

Hi Everybody - My daughter has Rett's Syndrome - a severe mental and physical disability. I cannot begin to tell you how devastating this was for me - how deeply depressed, grief-stricken and heart-broken I was. But I soon came to discover that my daughter was not a tragedy but a blessing from God. He gave Laura to me to bring me to my knees and into His Everlasting Arms.

:amen Abiding

[Heather]

Abiding, MooseAmerica also had a daughter with Rhetts. You should PM her. :hug

Well, gals, I'm really thinking about doing it. Applying for disability. I plan to pray on it LOTS before going down there. The last thing I want is someone rolling their eyes at me, thinking I am a loser who is out for a "free" buck, and showing me the door.

I mentioned I plan to do this and a freind of mine was very discouraging.

[IM_HIS]

Abiding, MooseAmerica also had a daughter with Rhetts. You should PM her. :hug

Well, gals, I'm really thinking about doing it. Applying for disability. I plan to pray on it LOTS before going down there. The last thing I want is someone rolling their eyes at me, thinking I am a loser who is out for a "free" buck, and showing me the door.

I mentioned I plan to do this and a freind of mine was very discouraging.

Heather,
I hope I'm not stepping on your toes here, but why shouldn't you apply? You have stated that you need accomodations, and I'm guessing that working is not an option for you...:confused

Are you afraid that you would be denied because on the outside you appear to be so "normal"? I'm sorry, I hate that word in relation to my son, but didn't know how else to say it.

For what it's worth, if you can't work in meaningful employment, you have a diagnosis from your medical doctors, then I think you should go for it!! There is no shame in it Heather, not for you, nor for anyone else. I just spent MANY long months working to get my son qualified for respite care and Medicaid, due to his disability. It can be frustrating and confusing, so please make sure you have someone work with you on this. And not the social worker at the office....someone who has YOUR best interests at heart. If I can answer any questions, just let me know!

YSIC
Anji

[Heather]

I work for my husband, and he has to make a lot of accomodations...if he wasn't married to me...

I can get jobs, but not keep them. :fear It's been pretty awful trying to work in a job that could actually support me.

Social Security has what they call "Substantial Gainful Activity" the amount is almost TWICE what I make in a month.

:lol I guess God is answering my prayer for a big sign should I do it or not. :):

Yeah, I'm reluctant to do it because when I mention my disabilty to people, they go "Oh, you're not that bad!" and totally blow it off. It really burns my bacon.

They have NO idea. :mad

[coffeehubby]

Heather, people mean well, but they can come across as very patronizing. But I suspect they are so absorbed in their own affairs they can't see what your struggles are or what's going on outside their own circle.
I was thinking about you and your husband today at work, and I prayed for you, because I really do understand that frustration.
Don't think I need to post details, but your thread said it. I live it.

I know God sees you both far differently than others see you. I was thinking about that because that's what trips me up so often. It's a learning thing to relax in Chriist, to swim in His arms as you float. Sometimes when things go really really bad for me I cry out..."God, where ARE YOU?! Why are You allowing this?"

I guess this will sound dumb, but often I hear from the Lord, "Because you need to learn to need just Me. Not family, not security, not any promises, just...ME."

So for five minutes perhaps I stop squirming or trying to be busy, I just let Him sooth my spirit. I hope this makes sense.

[IM_HIS]

I guess this will sound dumb, but often I hear from the Lord, "Because you need to learn to need just Me. Not family, not security, not any promises, just...ME."

So for five minutes perhaps I stop squirming or trying to be busy, I just let Him sooth my spirit. I hope this makes sense.

:thumb
Beautiful. Isn't He great?

Anji

[godservant]

I noticed people were talking alot about maybe immunizations causing some of their childrens problems...Well, my husband thinks that the vaccines are dangerous and do cause these things and he doesn't want me to get her (my 9 mth old daughter) shots till she is alot older and can handle them... As a matter of fact he doesn't want her to get them at all! Does anyone know how i can find out if it is legal to NOT give your child immunizations? Is this a mandatory thing?

Thanks and God Bless!

[IM_HIS]

I noticed people were talking alot about maybe immunizations causing some of their childrens problems...Well, my husband thinks that the vaccines are dangerous and do cause these things and he doesn't want me to get her (my 9 mth old daughter) shots till she is alot older and can handle them... As a matter of fact he doesn't want her to get them at all! Does anyone know how i can find out if it is legal to NOT give your child immunizations? Is this a mandatory thing?

Thanks and God Bless!

Schools and daycares are the ones that will try to "mandate" immunizations for your child. You can always claim an exemption. In our state, it's just a matter of a notarized document stating your desire to not immunize your children. It does vary by state, and people will try and talk you out of it and think you're nuts, but it CAN be done. It means EVERY YEAR you have to resubmit your documentation and it's a pain in the rear. But no, no one can FORCE you to immunize your child.

I would suggest that you research this carefully. There are pros and cons to both immunizing and not. Don't enter into this lightly, and above all else, pray that God would lead you in this decision.

Good luck!

Anji

Edited to add: BTW, most infants receive their first round of immunizations in the hospital. Since your daughter is older, I'm assuming she was immunized before she ever came home. Did she have a reaction? How did she do?

[godservant]

Hi,
Thanks for the information! She is not going to be in daycare so i don't have to worry about it right now and she was a premie when she was born and in the NICU for 2 weeks, so she didn't get any of her shots...They wanted to give her a shot before she was sent home but, we declined...So, so far she has not had any shots! My husband thinks that they do more harm than good and he always has...our son didn't get his shots till he was about 6 mths old and now has asthma (don't know if related or not). I will reasearch it and pray about it and see where God leads me on this issue.

Thanks!
God Bless!