What would you advise a homosexual to do?

[BicentennialMan]

As a struggling homosexual, I would genuinely like to hear what you would say to a homosexual if they want to rid themselves of the sinful nature. I just got finished reading the pheromones study post about the differences between gay and straight men to pheomones, and I left a comment about the lack of natural affection between males in this society because of fear of being labeled a homosexual.

At one time in my life I was attracted to females. Might have been due to raging hormones, or due to society. I really never was attracted to the natural smells of females. And the smell of females when they are going through mensies makes me nauseous. Most straight men love the smell of females. I'd need an aid, such as pear lotion or the like for me to be 'turned on' if you will.

So, I see me friends marrying and having children, and their lives seem so fulfilled. Mines seems so empty. I'd love to have children, and almost had the chance with my last girlfriend that I was going to marry back in 99. It obviously wasn't meant to be, because it was a tubular pregnancy and had to be aborted. That still haunts and saddens me to this day. Children are a gift from GOD...looking back I feel like I wasn't worthy of such a gift.

I'm the old fashioned kind of guy that doesn't believe in casual sex, and I strongly believe in monogamy. There are some in the gay community that are monogamous, but it's few and far between. For a time I was looking for a long term monogamous relationship with another guy, but most of the guys aren't looking for a monogamous relationship.

Same goes for a lot of straight females nowadays. I'm so scared to try an start another relationship with another female. I think they cheat as much as guys do. My last relationship with a girl, I was going to marry her. This was before I knew she was pregnant. I was in the Air Force and was going to propose to her at a Christmas Eve dinner I was giving at my house. I invited my friends over, my best friends, and told one of them a few days before that I was going to ask for my girl's hand in marriage. A few nights before the dinner, I had gotten into an agruement with her over something her friends put in her head. She was yelling at me saying that her friends thought that I wasn't good enough for her (friends that I've never met) and that she shouldn't trust me. It came out of the blue, and it hurt me so bad that words can't explain it. If she took the side of her friends over me, why should I ever trust her? And I have a serious issue with trust...especially since I was sexually abused by my older and only brother when I was 8.

She still came over for the dinner and we all exchanged gifts. My friends and a wife of one of them was there...waiting for me to pop the question. I had to pull my best friend into my room and told him what had happened a few days before. He looked just as hurt as I was and he knew something wasn't right. The rest of the evening was ackwards at best and I was so embarrassed. A couple of days latter the wife of one of my friends told her what was supposed to happen, and then she tried to appologize to me about the whole thing but it was too late. I broke up with her that day, or at least tried to. She was the one that I really opened up with and tried to be as romantic as possible with her. A few months after we broke up is when she told me she was pregnant, and that she was having constant pain. I had to force her to go to the base hospital.

Months after that she tried to sue me for the gifts she has given me. She started stalking me and having arguements outside so everybody could here it in the new neighborhood.mong other things, she drive me to move from AZ to where I am now.

I've never had a boyfriend, and I never came out to my family because I had nothing to come out to. I've been conflicted and confused for a long time now. I had to tell this long winded story so you can get an idea of why I'm the way I am right now. I don't think I can stand being alone any longer. I'm 29 years old and not getting any younger. I've never been to therapy over this issue, nor talked to a pastor, etc. about it. Really, I've never talked to anybody about it in person.

So, what would you advise a homosexual that is trying to change to do, given the circumstances? I've never been a fan of gay pride, or any kind of pride for that matter? I'm scared that if I do get into a relationship with a female that I won't be turned on by her, or just turned off by the possibility of being hurt one way or another again. Thanks for all of the comments.

[SuzyQ]

www.SBMinistries.org
didn't want to ignore your question. I would advise you to pray and read the bible. Also to find a church on the WORD. GOD is so good and he will lead you where you need to be. Let go and let GOD. Easier said then done. But check out the site I added to this. Stephen is ready to take calls from gays and their family, to talk and listen.
YSIC Sue

[JustasIam]

BMan -

I read your post. And I commented on your post in the other thread.

Give me some time to think through what I want to post . . . but I am thinking of your situation and will remember you in prayer.

God Bless,
YBIC. :):

[Workman]

Like SuzyQ stated. First thing to do is to confess to the Lord, pray to Him. Ask Him to change you. I have never dealt with homosexuality nor struggled with it but I most definately know what struggling with other things feels like. Keep your nose in the Word and trust in Christ and he WILL change you.

[OscarTheOnion]

So, what would you advise a homosexual that is trying to change to do, given the circumstances? I've never been a fan of gay pride, or any kind of pride for that matter? I'm scared that if I do get into a relationship with a female that I won't be turned on by her, or just turned off by the possibility of being hurt one way or another again. Thanks for all of the comments.

I hope you get alot of advice and I hope you find something that helps. You definitely want to keep the Lord in your focus.
Some people are able to give up the homosexual lifestyle altogether and never look back. For some, it will be a struggle for the rest of their lives. No matter what, never succumb to the lie that you're gay and helpless. You are a sinner like the rest of us, no better no worse. As such, God expects you to fight against the temptation to sin just like anyone else. He knows your heart and will know the effort you're putting into it.
Lastly, know that you are not alone. Network (and pray) with people who are struggling as you are.
I won't even being to try to explain homosexuality or how it happens. And when the Lord comes first in your life, it doesn't matter why or how anyway.

God bless!

[cameron222]

First I would abstain from any homosexual activity.

Then I would pray and seek the counseling of other former homosexuals who have abandoned the lifestyle.

We are still debating whether homosexuality is a "choice" or something one is born with. I suspect it may be both.

And if it is something you were born with, then I would advise abstaining, as difficult as that might be, and pray with all your heart for the Lord's guidance.

I don't have any addresses or phone numbers, but I believe Jerry Falwell's Church has talked about homosexuals who have abandoned the lifestyle, and they might could offer some information and help in this area.

God bless your efforts.

[bumblebee]

bcman,
First of all I applaud your honesty. It is an important step in any search. It took a great deal of courage to post that.

Hold fast to Jesus and read His Word daily, it is strength and comfort in needy times!

Lastly, I am no professional counselor. But as a veteran of a 23 year marriage, I can offer this: love is not sex. love is a verb. Love is an action, not a feeling. It has to be watered and nourished in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with sex. I am not saying that the warm fuzzies go completely away; it just happens differently, and it definitely is way beyond olfactory responses. If long-run is what you are looking for, see some counselors that can help you face the abuse issues, pray to the Lord to strengthen you and guide you, and He will set you free, and help you find the important relationship you are looking for.

Love and prayers and the Lord bless you and keep you!

[UNeverEverNo]

Acts 3:11-20

Peter Speaks to the Onlookers

While the beggar held on to Peter and John, all the people were astonished and came running to them in the place called Solomon's Colonnade. When Peter saw this, he said to them: "Men of Israel, why does this surprise you? Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk? The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of our fathers, has glorified his servant Jesus. You handed him over to be killed, and you disowned him before Pilate, though he had decided to let him go. You disowned the Holy and Righteous One and asked that a murderer be released to you. ou killed the author of life, but God raised him from the dead. We are witnesses of this. By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see.

"Now, brothers, I know that you acted in ignorance, as did your leaders. But this is how God fulfilled what he had foretold through all the prophets, saying that his Christ would suffer. Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus.

[seachelle76]

We all struggle against the flesh. Homosexuality is a sin and those who find themselves struggling with this issue need to abstain. However, landing oneself in a heterosexual marriage because you think it's expected isn't necessarily the answer either. You (and any single person really) are in a unique position to further the gospel in ways others of us can't. You can literally devote every part of your life to Christ without having to take the needs of a spouse into consideration. It has to turn into what God wants you to do instead of what you (as the Christian) want God to do for you.

I think it's common for unmarried people to want to put their lives on hold until they find someone to settle down with. (I succumbed to this angst ridden, unfruitful view before I was married. I wish I had focused more on my walk with Christ instead.) As a result, they make themselves miserable and aren't furthering their walk with Christ or helping to bring others to Christ as they should. It shouldn't be this way. If it is God's will for you to marry and have children, He'll make sure it will happen one day when the timing is right and when you're least looking for it. In order to attract a Godly mate, you've got to become the sort of person who puts Christ first in all things.

I just want to encourage you to persevere. You can breakthrough with God's help. While I can't know what you and others like you are going through with homosexuality, I can certainly relate on plenty of other struggles of the flesh. It can't be that dissimilar. I'm holding you up in prayer.

ETA: I read your post again. I want to emphasize also, that exchanging homosexuality for fornication isn't the way to go either. No unmarried person should be engaging in sexual intercourse of any sort, especially if that unmarried person is a Christian. It is no wonder you're not attracting the type of girls you want.

[blitzkreig]

As a struggling homosexual, I would genuinely like to hear what you would say to a homosexual if they want to rid themselves of the sinful nature. You can't.

Your sinful nature is is the very same as everyone else's sinful nature. You can't "get rid" of it. I will be with you 'til the end. We all just have to live with that and play the hand we have been dealt.

In your case you need to avoid the "lifestyle". That would include others who are of the same proclivity.

If you are truly "homosexual" (however one interprets what that means) I guess that means you aren't going to be having sex. Ever. Get over it. Sex is over rated anyway.

How important is it that you avoid homosex? It would be the same as any type of "illegal" sex as proscribed by the Bible. The scriptures give some examples of the relative importance of a few things ... you can take the cue from the Word. Mat 5:29-30
(29) And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
(30) And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. In this dispensation of the Grace of God as a follower of Christ you are forgiven for all of your sins. But we will all still have to account for things we have done in this old body, good and bad. 2Co 5:10-11a
(10) For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
(11) Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men... I wouldn't allow self inflicted guilt to get you discouraged. Leave the burden with the Lord and simply await His return like the rest of us ...



.

[Benja32one]

:cry :(:
The first thing you need to realize is that this sin is just that....sin. So is adultery and fornication. The Corinthian church was rife with just this same sin. So that Paul could write, "It is reported that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the gentiles, that one should have his father's wife." (1 Cor 5.1) The others in the church had ignored this sin, but Paul tells them they are 'puffed up.' They had been lauding their 'fundamentalism and sectarianism', yet ignoring this gross sin of one of their members. Hypocrites whose sin was just as bad as the fornicator's, criticizing each other for not following the same teacher. Paul says, "I don't even have to be there to judge how wrong" this man's sin really is. It is an act which should cause them to MOURN, yet they are acting like fans of various 'televangelists'! (As if that made them spiritual.) It is interesting that in the N.T.world a verb sprang from their town's reputation: 'Corinthianize' or to be 'Corinthianized'. Which meant to have loose morals and a wicked life. Each of us should rue our own sin, and deal with it as prescribed in 1 John 1.9. Without confession, there is no Advocate. 1 John 2.1-2. It won't help you brother, to confess this to us on this board. IT IS BETWEEN YOU AND JESUS. I will pray for you. 1 Cor. 10.13.
:nod

[CountryBumpkin]

I come from a family of six children. With my younger brother I believe that something very traumatic happened to him at the age of 17 which he has never spoken about, but after that he entered into a homosexual lifestyle. We were all horrified, and our relationship became strained. Many years have passed and I emigrated from South Africa, and three years ago his "partner" died from Aids and he was devastated. He now lives with my mother, he is 38 years old. He says that he calls on God for help but can't give up his lifestyle. I have been sending him books and articles to read and our relationship has improved dramatically, because I have been changed by God and I have realised that I am just as much of a sinner as he is and I love him. But I have to tell you that I grieve for him, he has nothing, no peace, no joy, no children, no motivation and keeps asking why would God take his partner away. There are many days where I just come before the Lord and weep. I believe that he has Aids himself but is not telling anyone. I want to hug him but am too far away.
However, I know that with God nothing is impossible and will continue to pray for him every day. My brother needs salvation and that is what I pray for. Nothing else that is going on in his life matters more than that.
My younger sister also entered into a lesbian lifestyle for many years, but they both got saved and now my sister is married to a great guy. She is too old to have children which she grieves about and she still has dark moments every now and then but through much prayer is able to overcome.
I don't think it ever goes away, not while we are this side of heaven, but the more one's focus is on Christ, He is able to do what we can not. I can't even pretend to understand why this happened to my two younger siblings but God knows why and with that I am content.
I also understand that what we do in our lives here on earth effects how our lives will be in heaven.
Please forgive me for the ramble but you struck a chord in my heart.
I will be praying for you.

[JustasIam]

First of all, I’m sorry to hear of your ordeal with your ex-girlfriend.

Secondly, thanks for having the guts to tell your story here. Your heart is definitely in the right place.

Sin nature is sin nature. You’ve acknowledged that you want to get rid of it – that’s where constant daily faith in the LORD comes in. Unfortunately, Satan realizes this as an opportunity to tempt you. As the Bible says, “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7). As far as the pheremone subject is concerned, I’d approach that subject with a great deal of skepticism. You say that you were once attracted to females (you even were planning on get married). As far as their “scent” that you were referring to, I’m clueless.

Re: your ex-gf - I don’t know what a tubular pregnancy is – and I’m sorry to hear about the abortion. But don’t think of yourself as “not worthy” of the gift of children. What you want is not necessarily what the LORD has planned for your life. You may feel like you’re being “left out” – that’s a lie from Satan. The reason I say this is as a single man in his early 30’s, I’ve had the same ideas go through my head (why am I not married by now? No wife – no kids – something must be wrong). When addressing this with my parents, they told me “The LORD has other plans for you – be patient.”

Perhaps your thoughts of homosexuality stem from being bitter and burned by the ex-girlfriend. Your trust was shot – and perhaps, she represents all of female-kind to you, thus your attention would go towards men? Just a thought, especially due to your mention of your fear of commitment with another woman.

What I’m not understanding is your referring to yourself as a struggling homosexual. You say that you’ve never had a relationship with another man. Then why do you call yourself one? Regarding your fear of being alone, I share your fear, brother. But realize this – if you have accepted Jesus Christ into your heart, and asked Him to forgive you of your sins, that His death on Calvary was the ultimate sacrifice for you, and that you acknowledge Him as your Lord and Saviour, then you’re NEVER ALONE – because the LORD sends the Holy Spirit to minister to you and comfort you in times of need. If you’re feeling lonely, cry out to the LORD, pray to Him – He will be there. He’s been there for me so many times when I’ve felt like no one cared, no one loved me, and that I didn’t matter. Every child of God matters to Him.

Realizing that you don’t want to succumb to homosexuality is a GOOD thing. Reaching out to others is a good thing. Try to find a counselor who is a born-again Christian (they do exist) – and set up a session to talk with the individual. You need to talk to someone professional (pastor or Christian counselor) about this. Doing it alone could be very difficult and extremely discouraging.

God Bless. You're added to my prayer list. :):

[BicentennialMan]

To all of the responses so far, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart.

SuzyQ and Workman. I am in the process of getting my walk right with the Lord. I've confessed my sins to the Lord a long time ago and do so everyday or at least try to.

Oscar, I will definitely take your advice in networking. I know I can't do this alone. It is sin nature, something that I realize that might be with me for the rest of my life. It's how I deal with it is what I want to work on.

Cameron, I've been trying to abstain from the sex. For those that have simular problems and struggles with porn or casual sex knows it's a hard thing to do...sometimes it feels unfair. But, I know I have to do it, until GOD's will tells me otherwise.

Bumblebee...I know that love is not sex and vice versa. I'm the kind of guy that would rather love the person I amwith and if anything more comes from it the better. Having casual sex is so empty and only fill the urge of the body, and not the spirit and the heart. I've never been a fan of casual sex, but when I did surcumb to it I felt really guilty afterwards. That's probably the only thing keeping me from embracing the gay lifestyle...other than the Gospel of course.

UNevereverno, seachelle, and Blitz...your posts are well noted and dually taken. You're right. Having sex of any kind before marriage is wrong and I'm glad you brought that up. Not too many do when it comes to heterosexuals as they do with homosexuals.

Ben, thank you for your post as well.

Country, I am so sorry to hear about your brother's struggle. I know it's harder for him because he had a person that he cared for die. Thank you for sharing that with me (us). I hope he finds the answer. I'm so glad to hear that your sister has changed her ways and is finding the Lord. Again, thank you for sharing.


JustasIam, I'll try to explain what I meant as much as possible. First off, a tubular pregnancy is when the egg stays in the fallopian tube instead of travelling down into the uterus. She was 4 months pregnant and she could have died from it if she wouldn't have gotten an abortion.

She didn't cause me to become homosexual, rather, she was the straw that broke the camel's back. I've had m2m sexual encounters before her...all causual...when 'my needs' overtook my common sense. I never was in a relationship with a guy, because I was trying to figure out if I really were gay, or just confused. That's what I mean by struggling homosexual. I've experimented as a teen with some guys...at the same time experimenting with females. But whenever I was in a relationship with a girl, it stayed monogamous. I didn't stray or seek out m2m encounters. Only when I was single is when I had homosexual sex. My last gf, in my mind, if I married her, would keep me from seeking out m2m encounters. I was seeking love, but at the time I had sex and love mixed up. I really loved her, it was much more than the sex. I gave my heart and soul to her, and the pain made me think that I would never find a suitable female for marriage, or relations for that matter. Me being abused at a young age, I think, sexualised my affection with other guys. Not all guys mind you, but the friends that I loved, I thought I could affirm my love for them sexually. I still feel that way sometimes with some of my friends and I'm trying to overcome that. I know what it is now so I can deal with it better.

As far as what I meant by natural smells of females, i'm talking pheromones and sexual bits. The 'it smells like fish, but tastes like chicken,' to put it out there as mildly and rated G as I can here on RR. And I guess another component is, with guys it's easier to know how to please them sexually because I have the same buttons and know how to push them and knows what feels good to me. With females it's 'unchartered territory'. You have to learn what feels good to them, and each one is different. With my last gf, I tried to communicate with her about what feels good to her, etc. I learned what buttons to press and I taught her the same for me. It would have been much easier if I would have saved myself for marriage like it's supposed to be...and then learn and teach each others buttons if you will. It's much easier with guys because we have the same buttons and know how to push them, or understand what different things feels like. Kinda hard to explain I guess, and forgive me if I grossed anybody out with this explaination.

Again, thank you so much for the kind and compassionate responses.

[Bryton]

Not ever having to struggle with this issue, I don't know what to tell you. However, there are some wonderful organizations that can help. These are people who love the Lord with all their hearts and they've been where you are right now. Please check them out. I'll be praying for you.

Exodus International
P.O. Box 540119
Orlando, Florida 32854
407-599-6872
407-599-0011 (fax)
888-264-0877 (toll free)
Internet: www.exodus.to

National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH)
16633 Ventura Boulevard, Suite 1340
Encino, CA 91436
Phone: 818-789-4440
Internet: www.narth.com

Love Won Out
www.lovewonout.com

[seachelle76]

I really loved her, it was much more than the sex. I gave my heart and soul to her, and the pain made me think that I would never find a suitable female for marriage, or relations for that matter.

I emphasize to make a point. Christ must have this from you.

Me being abused at a young age, I think, sexualised my affection with other guys. Not all guys mind you, but the friends that I loved, I thought I could affirm my love for them sexually. I still feel that way sometimes with some of my friends and I'm trying to overcome that. I know what it is now so I can deal with it better.

This meshes with what a lesbian friend of mine told me about her own experience being sexually abused.

:hug My advice is probably not of any help, but my prayers are certainly with you.

[Writesinme]

Be assurred, this is HOPE.

"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" Jer. 32:26

[Time2Sow]

i never was misled this way, sexually, but I always felt I could relate very strongly and empathize with homosexuals because I had a sexual deviancy from as early as age 6, so that if anyone asked me i could honestly reply it was as if i had been born that way.

fantasies, excess, exploration, i was never content with the normal course of things...my deviation literally and truly colored every thing in my world.. it would color my actions, my approach with people varied and sundried as boyfriends, bosses, and the dentist...i was obsessive, and fell into the company of others with whom i could feel "free to explore" the whole shebangabang. :tsk

You must understand that this dirty little secret thing was as much a part of me as my arm or my foot, as ingrained in me as any homosexual's attraction those of the same gender, or else the next thing i say wont have import:

God Took it Away.
I didnt pray on it.
He just took it.
It is gone.
Its not a struggle.

now. that being said, He could have just as easily left it for it to be a cross for me to carry, like my foul language, my desire for herb, my inclination to self-hate, and my perchant for afternoon naps instead of walking the dog.. so... that's His call... and maybe your struggle.. BUT maybe not. I want to give hope, here, that He can remove this from you and if He doesnt, He will give you the strength to carry this cross! I KNOW it!

[SuzyQ]

Mike,
Keep your eyes on Christ, and know we all have a sinful nature and need to repent daily for them. My son is gay and I pray daily, that he lets the LORD lead his life,( and as BENJa320ne said . It is between you and JESUS ) .Only GOD knows the whole truth of each of our lives, and When I found out about my son, I finally understood what it meant to let go and let GOD. GOD is in control, and knows what my son needs in his life to fulfill him and I am trusting GOD to hold on to my son at this time.

[Time2Sow]

:hug Psalms:51 for you. :hug

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. (He Did!)
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (He Did!)
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. (He Won't!)
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. (He Does!)
Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. (He Doesnt!)
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. (He Won't!)
Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

[Aineo1]

BicentennialMan, first let me address the pheremones study. You should read this article found on Dr. Throckmorton's site:http://www.drthrockmorton.com/article.asp?id=146 The media does not do a good job reporting on what sceintists really state or believe when the media thinks it can push their liberal bias.

Dr. Throckmorton is also a good resource for those seeking information on dealing with homosexual desires. Here are some other sites that can be of help:

http://www.exodus-international.org/
http://www.lovinghomosexuals.com/

For the most part homosexual desires are based in self-image issues. Unfortunately there is no magic bullet that can help every person since we are all individuals with unique personalities. There are several excellent books available and I highly recommend Desires in Conflict by Joe Dallas. Joe is a married ex-gay family counselor and a past President of Exodus North America.

If you decide to contact an ex-gay ministry I suggest you investigate the ministry. For instance, although Stephen Bennet is a vocal ally of the political religious right his rhetoric is not something I agree with or recommend. Dennis Jernigan http://www.dennisjernigan.com/ has a more compassionate approach and his music has been a major source of encouragement for ex-gays for decades. Dennis is also ex-gay, married and has 9 children.

I would be careful who you share your struggle with as not all Christians (including pastors) are equipped to deal with this issue. There is a mass of misinformation and outright lies circulating among ill informed Christians concerning the gay community and if there is one attitude you don't need is outright rejection based on ignorance of the causes of homosexual desires.

Exodus International is a cover organization for ex-gay ministries worldwide. Here is a link to those ministries in the United States:
http://www.exodus-international.org/ministry.shtml Face-to-face support is always the best approach and these ministries furnish strugglers a non-judgmental arena to discuss issues and strategies others have found beneficial. One of the most successful ministry’s is Desert Stream in Anaheim California. The Living Waters Program developed by Andy Kominsky is something I would recommend participating in if you are in an area that offers this program.

As I mentioned above there is no magic bullet that will defeat gay desires. The journey to freedom or control of the desires is long, difficult, and takes a total commitment that those who fail lack. However, the result justifies the effort. Philippians 4:4-7

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. NASIf there is one issue many men and women fail to take to the Lord it is sexuality. Your major source of strength in overcoming gay desires is God Himself. So take all your issues to Him in open communication since He already knows the why you are dealing with this issue and He already knows how you can overcome it. So take all your concerns to Him and He will (in His time and in His way) give you the peace you desire.

[BHiles]

Bob,

Did you ever wonder why circumstances and/or generational iniquities forced you to struggle with these issues in the first place?

I think we can see what satan meant for evil God meant for good as you have been a beacon of light to so many ministering in a way that many of us could not.

I thank God for you and you for your willingness to be used for his glory.

Thank God for Jesus,

Brent

[Aineo1]

Brent, home and societal environment can be factors in the development of a gay orientation. Part of the Living Waters Program deals with prayer for generational curses, which have to be dealt with. My working definition for homosexuality is the search for love and affirmation in all the wrong places and in inappropriate ways. One aspect of overcoming gay desires is to learn to love yourself since many gay men and lesbian women were denied love by thier family and peers.

[Mountain Girl]

I think posting here to other christians is a good place to start. I'm glad you had the courage to ask for Godly counsel.

I can't offer advice as someone who's been there because I haven't dealt with this particular issue. However, I agree with those who told you to abstain. I also agree with those who encouraged you to contact christian ministries for people who have or are struggling with homosexuality.

You said it was difficult to abstain, so this question might sound lame, but when your thoughts are focused on homosexuality, is it possible to MAKE yourself think about other things? Or become involved in something that you enjoy such as a hobby or jogging or sports or reading a good book or anything to get your mind focused on something else?

Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Memorize some scriptures that pertain to your situation, meditate on them and pray them back to God, let Him know you trust Him to bring these promises to pass in your life.

Here is a link to a christian commentary and study outline on 'renewing the mind' which I like a lot. It's something all of us need to do from time to time, and I seem to need to a little more than others.

http://www.christinyou.net/pages/renewmind.html

I'm praying for you, brother.

[BicentennialMan]

Ainero, thank you for the links. I've contacted Harvest and Exodus. I guess that's one of the first steps. I'm trying to find a home church. As a baby Christian, sometimes I don't feel worthy enough to even step inside of a church. But everytime I do, it feels like the sermon is directly aimed at me. The feeling has to be universal and not something unique to me. I don't know why I haven't shunned that attitude and join in the community, professing faith together instead of alone. For some reason I always felt awkwards when it came time to singing praise to the LOrd...because I don'tknow too many by heart. I feel like everyone else there does.

Time2Sow, thank you for the psalm. It really did touch me in a way undescribable.

Mountain Girl, I've been walking my dog. and about to join a gym to try to keep my mind off of it. I've given up smoking as well. It's been 8 days so far. I'm putting a lot on my plate and I hope that's not going to be a bad thing to get through everything at the same time.

I can feel the prayers this board has given me. I can feel my strength growing in ways I never thought possible. It's truly amazing, and GOD bless each and everyone of you for being so considerate.

[Aineo1]

and about to join a gym to try to keep my mind off of it.This may not be the best time to join a gym. Working out with other men is not going to help you avoid temptations that can (and I assure you will) be difficult to handle. If you are really struggling with temptations the last thing you want to do is expose yourself to temptations and gyms are nototious cruising locations in some parts of the country. And cruising leads to acting out. There are other ways to get exercise like walking your dog. Caleb (my toy poodle) and I walk 5 to 10 miles a day. Physical exercise is a good way to work off sexual tension and so is listening to praise and worship music.

[God'sGirl]

BicentennialMan, thank you for sharing with us. I will be praying for you to find a bible teaching, Christ centered church for you to grow in. My brother, I think we all struggle. My co-worker whom I have grown to love (sounds weird, but I care very much what happens to him) is living with another man. Your honesty in your post helps me as we do talk, but are a little bit on a "don't ask, don't tell" details. He told me he was born again many years ago. Please keep posting how you are doing, our Lord is awesome!
What kind of dog do you have? I love my two furkids, a Pomeranian and a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel rescue pup. :thumb on quitting smoking. :clap YSIC, Mary

[Shieldbearer]

I want to comment on the abuse issue. I too suffered from abuse, but of a physical and verbal nature, not sexual. The emotional aspect of any type of child abuse affects that person for the rest of his/her life.

I can only thank God - I went through a few weeks of not sleeping, not eating, as I relived the horror of a childhood I had repressed, and tried to deal with it. Then I cried out to God, and said I couldn't deal with it. And He healed me. He broke me and remade me into a vessel He could use. He took away my pain, and my bitterness.

And then He did something else. I have never been caught up in porn or other such things. But I did live this whole other daydream life. It's hard to explain. I would work out whole scenes in my head of interactions with other people, friendships that didn't exist in real life. I tried and tried to stop, because I knew living in a dream world was not good. But again, I gave it to God and He took it. It is gone - I can't do it anymore even if I want to.

So I guess what I am saying to anyone struggling with any sin. Sin is sin. My anger, resentment, bitterness toward my childhood was sin. My living in a dream world was sin. God turned me away from that sin when I confessed it and humbly confessed I couldn't stop sinning.

Abuse tears you up You learn survival techniques to survive the abuse, and then use those techniques the rest of your life. I was on an abuse support group and I told them that abuse is like brain damage. Abuse puts a short circuit or block in your brain, and you have to learn (or maybe God taught me??) to get around that block. For example, one problem I struggled with is in any group of adults, even of my own age, I felt like a small child. I still deal with this. I have learned, though, to recognize the signs of when I start doing this and I remind myself who I am.

So my advice would be to continue in the Word and in prayer, and have faith that God can heal you. Confess your sins to God, surrender your temptations to God, and ask God to help you. I know He taught me so much, and sent so many people my way with words of encouragement. I am so amazed at what God has done. Somehow He even healed a decades old rift between me and my abuser. God is so good to us. He is so loving and compassionate. Give your problems to Him, brother, and let Him take care of them. I am praying for you!

[BicentennialMan]

Aineo, I understand why you wouln't advise me to join a gym. But at the same time I don't want to feel like a shut it. I already feel that way. Not only have I stopped smoking cigarettes, I gave up marijuana as well. Most of my social activities evoved around the two, and I'm already avoiding certain friends and family members that still use. I've been living on the internet to past the time, and occasionally walking the dog. I'm basically starting everything over from scratch. I enjoy going to the beach in the summer, and I don't want to hide from them either because of the possibility of seeing males. I'll see them everywhere I go. My attractions are geared more towards certain friends, those of which I don't get to see very often, and care for so much. That's the love is not sex issue I'm trying to understand and deal with. You sound like you really know what you are talking about so I will not throw out any advice you give to me as it is a blessing in itself. I really want to work out and improve on my physic as well as my mental. (I have skinny arms and legs being 6'5" :): ) I'm an open slate right now....basically blank. I have to establish new social circles, and right now I just feel lonely. I'm going through a major lifestyle change, not including trying to stop my homosexual urges. I recently stoppped taking my paxil about a month ago (praise GOD). I've been wanting to get off of it for a long time. I've been forgiven my brother for what he did to me, and I've had therapy for the abuse while I was in the AF. Albeit I'm not very close to my brother like most others are. I forgave him, but my trust is still weak at best. I haven't had any suicidal or negative thoughts since I've stopped taking paxil. My energy has come back and my mind has cleared since. I still take a SSRI for sleep and appetite (sp)...which I am glad to report the quality of both is getting stonger each passing day.

God's Girl, thank you for your reply and prayers. BTW the dog that I walk is an 8 year old American Staffordshire Terrier...think the dog of the little rascals. He's my big baby. :D: I also have a 12 year old black lab. She's something else.


Shield Barrier, I know exactly what you mean about not feeling like an adult sometimes. Just last night I thought I was 21, and I'm one year away from 30. I look at the rest of my friends and I feel like they are adults. They are adults. Amongst some of them I really feel like a child. Usually they are the ones that are married with children. I'm not immature at all, and most of my friends think I'm older than I really am because of how I think. I over analyse things all the time. My mind never stops thinking...which is why I require a sleep aid. Sometimes I feel the abuse (which lasted over a year) made me grow up too fast. I became an adult at 8 it seems mentally. I knew too much about sex. Unlike you, porn became my pacifier. I never really daydreamed, just thought about everything that went on that day...being critical if someone said something that might have been a joke or meant to be takien litely, and making a big thing out of nothing. I'll give you an example of what happened earlier this month.

I was planning on meeting an AF buddy and his family down in Washington, DC. They were flying in from out west so he could donate bone marrow. We had agreed on a date to meet and to sight see. I told him that I'll be down on Wednesday. All he said in his reply was that they have plans to see the sites so call ahead. In my mind, I took that as he didn't want me to come down, or that it would be a hassle if I came down. I had already seen him a few weeks before and stayed with him for 2 days while he was getting the blood test done, soI emailed him back saying that, and to have a good time down in DC. He immediately emailed me back saying that he didn't mean not to come down, that they really wanted to see me. That's an example of over analyzing things. Sometimes it's a great thing, and sometimes it's a curse. I see I need retrainning on how to be social. I've went from extroverted to introverted since 99. I hate that, but I guess it could be maturity as well. Hopefully thing'll change for the better.

If anybody feels this is TMI, let me know. I don't want to waste the board's space or time. And thanks again for the responses. GOD bless.

[Aineo1]

Forced isolation and loneliness will be major battles and concerns. If you can work out at a gym (which will help your mental attitude) without cruising the guys then by all means join a gym. However, if the gym becomes a stumbling block it is time to rethink that option. You might consider working out with an ever-straight friend who can help you be accountable for your eyes. This will also help you develop same sex relationships that do not involve sexual encounters.

There are two books that are recommended by many ex-gay ministries that you might consider reading, Dependent No More and Beyond Co-Dependency by Melodie Beattie. One danger you will face in your struggle is becoming so dependent on others that your own emotional growth and maturity stalls.

Another strategy that has helped some in their struggle is to keep a journal where you can record what triggers any gay desires. This can help you avoid situations and/or develop strategies to overcome and/or defuse the triggers.

Regeneration Books (https://regenbooks.com/) is a good source for material that will be helpful. However, you can usually get the same books from Amazon.com at better prices.