Singles Ministries

[carmen]

Anyone have any experience setting one up?

[TyTex]

I was involved in the organization of the singles ministry at our church about 25 years ago. I'll be happy to try to answer any questions you have.

[Singlesis]

I've helped start them in 3 churches. What would you like to know?

[carmen]

I'm not sure what I want to know :lol. I belong to a church with a fairly small number of singles, but it has a lot of potential. We get lots of single visitors, but when they find there's no ministry for them, they don't return. Can't blame them :lol The church is very family oriented (which is wonderful, don't get me wrong).

Anyway...seems like we need to do something for singles, and I was wondering how you begin one? What's the best way? Do you start a singles Sunday School class first? How does the mix with young singles/older singles/divorcees with no children/with children/etc end up working out? Is that a mix that would work? :confused

[laph]

I have started a Single Parents Group at my church. We are doing the Power of the Praying Parent and we meet at a coffee house one Saturday a month in the morning to talk and catch up on prayer request. I go to a small church and there are only 9 of us. We e-mail a lot too.

[gaburke]

I've been single all of my life. I avoid singles ministries like a plague.

Perhaps there is a correlation there.


Jerry

[kwalby]

The church I belong to just started a singles ministry, actually 2 of them. One group called Single Vision for 18 and older, never married, and the other is Renewed vision for those who have been married before. They say you can go with whichever group you feel most comfortable with as most of the single again group tend to be older. We have just started so for the time being we are together as one group. Our focus is more on providing social opportunities as our church has lots of prayer and study groups.

We started by anouncing a singles lunch after church at Pizza Hut. Our next activity will be something called a Mystery Dinner coming up in April. I'm not in on planning this so it will be a surprise to me. Someone came across an opportunity to pick up a block of tickets to a baseball game so she got on the phone and called everyone on the list to see how many tickets to get.

We're going to try to come up with a monthly activity, such as an outing to the zoo, or a theater performance, the kinds of things a single often doesn't do for lack of someone to go with. Since this is brand new we'll have to see how it develops. We are a small church and had about 10 come for the first lunch, but hopefull the group will grow.

From experience I can tell you, for someone newly single, or a single new to the area, often without a family nearby for support, the best ministry you can offer is companionship. When I moved to this area I tried several churches and while they were welcoming and seemed eager to have me for a member I felt alone in the crowd. Everyone else had family or seemed to know everyone. A singles group offers an opportunity to meet other singles for companionship. This is definitly not a dating or matchmaking thing just a get together to do something group.

[TyTex]

When I joined my church, there were probably about 50 or so singles divided between two Sunday School classes, the Career Class (primarily 35 and under never marrieds) and the Singles Class (primarily single again and over 35). There was some overlap as some under-35 single parents were more comfortable in the older class and some over-35 never married or childless singles preferred the Career Class.

Sunday School was the foundation of what became the singles ministry at our church. Good teaching, great friendship and fellowship, and active outreach to other singles were hallmarks of our classes. Gradually, more singles began to attend and we expanded to three and then four classes, each having a regular attendance of 40-50.

Our pastor had closely monitored the growth in the singles classes and led the church to call a minister to single adults. We continued to grow, had singles retreats, and eventually all of the singles classes moved into a remodeled area of the church. I've been married a long time now, but the singles ministry continued to grow. Sunday School attendance in the singles classes now runs about 400. There are singles Bible studies during the week, retreats, and ministry projects.

There is one thing about a growing singles ministry I observed that is perhaps a negative. Before we began to get really organized, the singles at our church had a lot of interaction with everyone else at the church. We served on committees with married members, went on ministry projects with other church members, and were not segregated from the rest of the church in any way. For example, I was a never-married single when I became a deacon and another never-married single became a deacon at the same time.

After the singles ministry became well-organized, however, it became segregated to a large extent from the rest of the church. The singles had their own retreats, Bible studies, ministry projects, and became a group whom the rest of the church members usually did not know well. As a result, as the years passed, the singles dropped off the radar screen when it came to recruiting leadership for church committees and other matters.

Carmen, if you and others work on establishing a singles ministry at your church, take care not to become segregated from the rest of the church. It's easy to do. Last year, I began a term on our committee which recruits members for our other committees that handle many of the functions and ministries of the church. I've made it my goal to find reliable folks in the singles ministry and recruit them for spots on these committees so that we get them into the mainstream of our church life and let them contribute their talents and gifts outside the singles ministry.

[carmen]

Thanks for sharing, guys!

Interesting...two different approaches, one from the fellowship, the other from Sunday School. I've been asked about at my church, but had thought a little about it before that even. So I am wondering if God is asking me to do something. It certainly seems like a need that should be filled, I just haven't had a leading on anything specific yet. I guess I will pray and wait and see if God gives me a clue.

Great point about segregation, TyTex. I can see how that could easily occur. Should it come to that, I will do my best to ensure we all remain integrated. Since I have a teen, and I also have some good relationships with some married couples at church, maybe that would be something that would keep the need for integration in the forefront of my mind.

[valerie]

We opened the church on Friday nights about 6 pm.. The singles were welcome to bring children if they had any.

Anyone who was musical was encouraged to bring their instruments and we opened up the PA system.

It was highly unorganized and very much Spirit led. We simply gathered, spontaneously did whatever was appropriate at the time. We played games, did skits, watched movies, shared things of the Lord, prayed and lifted up our burdens to the Lord, had 20 people on the stage singing and playing whatever songs someone shouted out, do a project in the building that needed to be done, sometimes we'd do crafts, just anything that struck us.... etc. Basically we hung out and found constructive things to do together.

When we got hungry, someone said, "What do you guys want to go pick up?" We'd pool our funds, covering anyone who was short that week, and we'd eat together, talking and laughing.

It died when someone tried to organize it. Before that we were usually growing by 1 or 2 people a week. There were few who didn't join in the singing, everyone was on stage praising God, and only a few stayed down in the seats, usually praying or talking over issues.

I'd say about half of our discussion was concerning spiritual issues and we would regularly open God's word spontaneously, simply to seek guidance together.

It was understood that this was a safe place for people without spouses to come, enjoy the company of others in similar situations, and edify one another through Christ. No one ever left... as a matter of fact, we often stayed until 1 in the morning, just enjoying one another and finding comfortable places for the children to sleep. It was a highlight of our week and such a time of refreshment.

If someone knew of a cool event, as many as could would plan to go together. It was a true family of God.

It was so fun that some families started coming too. And that was just fine. It wasn't about exclusiveness, it was about loving one another in Christ.

Required for this is a great, people oriented, leader type facilitator who is well founded in scripture and doctrine, for those situations when baby believers might be there with confusing statements.