As a Christian, how should I handle this?

[Livin4Jesus]

Hi everyone!

I have a situation where my 6 year old daughter has a friend whose mother is gay and lives with her girlfriend. I don't know if the child is the product of a sperm donor or what, but apparently, according to my daughter, the girl does not have a father and has both a "mommy" and a "mom". I suspected this was the case many months ago, but now I know for sure. Now, I'm not quite sure what to do because they have called to invite my daughter over before, but we happened to be busy. My dilemma is that the girl is very nice and my daughter really likes her. I don't want to penalize or discriminate against an innocent girl, but I also don't want my child growing up desensitized to this type of sin and begin to think there is nothing wrong with it. Right now since she is only 6 and knows nothing of any sexual matters, I am not planning on saying a thing to her about it--I'm just hoping that they won't invite her over again.

What would you guys do? Would you allow your daughter to spend time over at their house? Or would you just allow her to come to your house? Or would you try to avoid having them play together outside of school at all? I never in a million years imagined that I would have to deal with this type of situation as a mother, but unfortunately, it is becoming much more common and I know there are several other families just like hers at the school.

I need advice!!

Thanks,

Pam

[kattallysn1]

Tough situation. I would allow the girl over to my house (if i had girls....i have 2 boys but anyway), but i would not allow my child over there being influenced in any way that thier lifestyle is normal.

[LDinthewoods]

I don't have kids. But remember, you have to be a witness to these people for the love of Christ. I don't have children, but I do have gay friends & family members with children. Since your daughter is too young to know exactly what is going on anyway - maybe it is better to let her go & just ask her lots of questions when she gets home? I don't know...that is really tough. Because, you also don't want to penalize their child because of who the parents are. Plus, while I have very strong feelings against the gay lifestyle & believe children should be taught that the lifestyle is against GOD's will....I also believe that children need to be taught to show everyone the love of Christ. Maybe it you are able to show this couple Christ's love - it will have more of an impact when your DD is older & you have to explain why homosexuality is wrong? (Would kind of help her see that you don't hate.)

Please don't fire away on me. Like I said, I don't have kids and this is just my humble opinion.

[Stephanie]

Just keep in mind that if you decide that you'll allow your child's friend to come over to play at your house, there will come a time when the parents of the other child want to reciprocate and invite your child over to play, since you'd have been so nice to have their child as a visiting playmate.

You're going to have to decide how you really, truly feel about this - and the message you want to send your child. It can't be avoided.

I'll tell you what I'd do (and I am a mother - but my "baby" is now a young woman of nineteen!).

I would allow the kids to play and not worry at all about it.

When your daughter comes to you and asks "Why does my friend have two mommies" - then I'd explain that sometimes children have two mommies or two daddies, but most have a mommy and daddy. You could even say that in your religion's beliefs, because of Adam and Eve (or whatever other story you might reference), there is a mommy and a daddy... but I would NOT make any sort of negative remark about gay couples, because the issue *isn't* the wrongness of one thing... it's the holiness of something else. You don't have to address the nuances of sexuality with a child, who can't understand it anyway (heck, even adults have trouble with all of that)... and besides, the Christ-like approach would be to simply comment on the male/female partnership shown in the Bible, and hope that over the years, you illustrate your examples in your own life in such a way that the child will see the benefits of the male/female relationship model.

If, on the other hand, your child came home after playing at the friend's house, you may run into another scenario. They may tell you (or their parent may tell you) that your child asked about the two mommies **while still at their house visiting** - leaving the parents to the task of explaining their family structure to your child. I would hope they'd simply say, "Wow, that's a big question! Maybe you should ask your mom and dad about that when you go home... but right now, we have to hurry up and (go to the park, eat snacks, take the dog for a walk, whatever else)."
BUT -- if your child asked them, they may assume your child comes from either a liberal or secular background, and may figure that they can just say it like it is (maybe along the lines of, "Well, we fell in love and got married, and now we have our own family. Lots of families are like us" etc). If *that* was the case - your child may come home feeling a little perplexed, and would need you to explain a bit more, sort of to give them a bit of a spiritual/Biblical foothold.

If you take an approach of trying to "teach away" any ideas of gay relationships or gay families by taking an "it's bad to be gay" approach, you risk having your child - who is immature and can't have the sort of social skills you have - may end up feeling somehow "better than" gay people, and may become unkind to gay people or may make unkind remarks toward people who have gay relatives. (And there would also be the remote possibility that if your child happened to struggle with thoughts about being gay, or worries about it because of school kids teasing as kids tend to do... you would also have set up a situation where the child might *fear* that they are gay and may be rejected. So there are lots of reasons to just take a stance of focusing on what you have strongly positive views about, and let the children see how beneficial your ideas and your faith are.)


I have to say that I think that we - meaning Christians across denominational lines; no specific church affiliation, but Christians in general - seem to have a hard time being able to handle the issue of homosexuality in society. We've all seen the news stories that happen occasionally where some gay person will be attacked or even killed while waiting at a stoplight or something, and later some story will come out about a group of teens who might have noticed the victim leaving a gay event or something, and so they decided to attack because they're "Christian" and "God hates sin" - nevermind the fact that the true sin would be in the actions of those "Christians." When I hear those stories, I wonder about the parents of the attackers - especially when they're later interviewed on the news, attempting to show support for their gay-basher teenagers. Often they look like the average citizen; they may talk about how their child has never committed a crime, has always attended church, loves the Lord, etc... but gay-bashers are made, not born, as far as I'm concerned. I always wonder what on earth was said around the dinner table in those houses, and how people could be so cruel.

As far as having your child play in the home of a gay family... it actually may be a really helpful experience in some ways, because your child can learn how to be aware of differences and still treat people with kindness and dignity, since after all, we're just human - and only God has the right to peer in to people's souls and judge their depth of sin. Your child could carry that personal experience through life, and by seeing gay people as being no different than straight people (after all, we're all people, down at the core)... that may help your child be a stronger and more effective witness for Christ later in life. Maybe your child would be comfortable dealing with a lot of thorny social issues and controversial concepts, and because of that level of experience, would be very good at applying scriptural teachings to real-life situations.

We are told in the scripture to remember that we live in the world, but we are not *of* the world. Most of the time, I think we tend to focus on our relationship to God and to each other as a family, and as the bride of Christ... so we're very good at recognizing that we're not "of the world." But I think it's important in situations like this to remember that even if we're not 'of it'... we're certainly *IN* it, and so if we're here to do the will of God, we have plenty of opportunities to make use of the Holy Spirit within us. Who knows what sort of impact a little child might have in such situations - a child indwelt by the Holy Spirit who is being taught how to have a gentle heart for people. It could be a wonderful thing for you, for your child, and for that family.

Okay, I'm shutting up now - I hope you don't mind the rambling!

Many blessings to you and your family!
-Stephanie

[Kitty2kat]

Perhaps, instead of either child going over to each others homes, you could get together outside of the home, like the playground or the zoo. I have a 5 1/2 year old, and I wouldn't let her go over there.

[2xborn]

Alright guys this is my first post so HELLO!!!!!!!!!

I am a little concerned at some of the advice your getting here for your six year old. With all that's in me I believe we should not throw our children into such perversion. I have an eight year old and I do not teach him to hate, but I do read to him from the Bible of what God has to say on such matters. He is too young and so is your daughter to make any decisions yet. We observe who their friends are and gurad them and train them up in the love and admonition of the Lord. Last time I checked, homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord. He doesn't like it and that sin along with telling lies (bearing false witness), stealing, using His name in vain, dishonoring your parents, murder (even hatred) will cause you to spend eternity in hell if they go unrepented and you do not come to the Savior for salvation. I feel really sorry for your child's friend, but we don't have to always please our children and be their best friends. We are their parents and the Lord expects us to obey Him when it comes to raising them.
I will be praying for you as you decide and especially for that little girl with 2 "moms" and those two women who are just storing up wrath from God Almighty that will be revealed on the day of wrath. Pray and without your daughter perhaps you could talk with them. Will be praying for you.

YSIC Psalm 19:7

[Rebecki]

I'm so sorry that you are having to face this trial. I have children and there is no way would I allow my children to visit there. Homosexuality is a perversion, and even though they might see it and hear about it at school, the store, t.v., etc. (society in general) there is no need for you as the parent to willingly put them into that kind of environment. Besides, you have no idea what those two "mommies" would do if your child were present. I don't think you would like to explain why they kissed each other like "mommy and daddy" do (or anything else that mommies and daddies do).

Sadly, my daughter witnessed two lesbians in a full blown make out session at the age of 4 and asked me why those two ladies were kissing like that. :mad I was furious. They were in a parked car across from us at a store. I was so mad that I had to even figure out something to say to her. I mean, what do you say to a 4 year old when they have no comprehension of sin?

My opinion is to keep your sweet precious child away from that kind of environment as long as possible. And if you are afraid of appearing narrow minded, just remember that "narrow is the road" and God will bless you for protecting your child from that perversion. Pray that God will give you the words to say if you need to turn down an invitation for a play date or something. It won't be easy, but God will bless you for protecting your child.

But then again on the flip side, if you feel that you really want the two children to be friends, then I would only allow play dates at the park, or McDonald's play-land or something like that, where you are there making a strong presence. You never know, this way your daughter can play with her friend and maybe if the two "mommies" (or even just one of them) see Christ in you it might be convicting for them.


:hug Best wishes!

[Livin4Jesus]

Thanks, everyone! I know this is a tough issue and I wish it was something that I didn't even have to deal with. I don't ever remember my parents having to deal with this type of thing!

This is my feeling on it so far--I really don't feel comfortable with Taylor going over to her house, even though she did go to her birthday party (before I knew of their situation, and it was a group setting, which I wouldn't be as concerned about), because I really don't know how various situations would be handled there, what would be told to my child, etc. I wouldn't mind her coming over to our house, but then, like another poster said, they would feel like they had to return the favor. I don't mind my daughter being friends with her at school, though, because I feel like the girl does deserve to have some friends, doesn't she? I don't want her remembering her childhood as having no friends. She's innocent and doesn't deserve this. My problem is that I really don't know what to say if the mother ever calls me again to invite Taylor over to play. As far as I know, she doesn't know that I know she is gay, so how would I explain to her nicely that we just don't condone that behavior? I just can't envision me telling her that my child can't go over to her house because she is gay. I know I'm a wimp and I should be able to boldly call sin a sin to the face of a sinner (of course, we all are!) , but this woman has never been anything but nice to me and I just don't know what to say. However, like I said, I am very much against my daughter going over to her house, and I think my husband would agree. I am very concerned that children these days are beginning to see the homosexual lifestyle as normal, harmless, and "cool".

I'm really going to have to pray about this and ask for the right words to say here. Doesn't it feel like homosexuality is EVERYWHERE now? I know it always has been here, but before it was just swept under the rug, but it just seems like Satan has stepped up his efforts lately!

Thanks for all your help--this is a tough situation, I know, but one that we may all have to confront one day.

God bless,

Pam

[antitox]

I'm pretty hard-line on this kind of thing. I just don't believe we should sacrifice our children's welfare for an opportunity to witness. I would not allow my 6 yr old child to be subjected to a gay environment, period. You don't know what all goes on over there. I, personally, never worry about what someone may think of me if that's the price I have to pay for my kids welfare.

[Stephanie]

Nobody said it directly, but I know that the concern about the advice being given in the thread so far is referring to my post, since my post was quite a bit different than the others (plus, it was longer! Sorry about that. I'm chatty tonight, I guess.)

Anyway... first, to 2xborn, welcome to RR! I want to respond to your post first; I'm bolding the parts I'm focusing on:

With all that's in me I believe we should not throw our children into such perversion.

The situation we're in, though - meaning as a society - is that our children **already are** "thrown in" to situations with gay people, children of gay parents, neighborhoods which have homes owned by same-sex couples, classrooms with children of gay parents, kids who are deciding that they're gay at increasingly younger ages (I've seen kids on talk shows and in newspaper articles who are "coming out" even before they're in high school... sometimes barely even junior high school aged). It's on television; it's everywhere, including church communities. It's being discussed freely today, so it's not like the way it was a couple of decades ago when a child may not even *hear* of the word 'lesbian' or 'gay' and what these things mean until they're older.

Calling it 'perversion' and letting kids hear you call it that isn't going to educate them about what sort of Christian response would be appropriate when they're living in a society that accepts gay families as part of the norm. Keeping kids from playing at the house of a child whose family consists of gay parents isn't going to keep them untouched by the knowledge of gayness in the world. (And actually, if it *did* somehow keep the idea from entering their consciousness until they were adults, I would think that they would be ill-equipped to deal with the situation if they ended up having a gay employer, or if someday their child confided sexual confusion, or if a gay person came to them for spiritual counsel.)

To me, it makes more sense to have some level of involvement with **how** kids are exposed to these sorts of subjects, particularly sexuality issues and other things that have to do with relationships, family, and major life decisions... meaning that if a parent can help a child so that in their early life, if they are around these situations the parent can help them to learn from it in a positive way - plus help the child to connect the situation/experience to the religious faith they're learning about as young Christians - then the child will start to understand how being a Christian connects to everyday life. I don't think it's enough to just tell kids that something is an abomination to God or is perverse, because when I hear things like that, it all sounds like emotionally-loaded analysis of the subject, or judgment-based, you see what I mean?

I have an eight year old and I do not teach him to hate, but I do read to him from the Bible of what God has to say on such matters. He is too young and so is your daughter to make any decisions yet. We observe who their friends are and gurad them and train them up in the love and admonition of the Lord. Last time I checked, homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord. He doesn't like it and that sin along with telling lies (bearing false witness), stealing, using His name in vain, dishonoring your parents, murder (even hatred) will cause you to spend eternity in hell if they go unrepented and you do not come to the Savior for salvation. I feel really sorry for your child's friend, but we don't have to always please our children and be their best friends. We are their parents and the Lord expects us to obey Him when it comes to raising them.

We may know what scripture teaches, as you described, but we don't know God's ultimate decisions or what he sees in the hearts of other people - even if we think that they're mean, or are terribly sinful, or whatever. I mean, *I* have sinned, and still sin... but I trust that God has forgiven me, so who's to say that the gay family of that child isn't also forgiven for anything they may have done? Maybe they have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. (I know - you'll probably say that because of scriptural teaching about homosexuality, it wouldn't work... but from my reading of scripture, I believe that anyone who accepts Christ by faith is saved through the grace of God - not works or anything they could possibly do, *or* anything they could possibly *not* do. So as I see it, a gay family might very well be Christian, and they may belong to a liberal church denomination that doesn't address the gay issue the way another denomination might).

As far as obeying God and raising our kids to be obedient to Him - if you look at the situation from another vantage point, it would be equally effective and equally scriptural to focus on the fact that Jesus taught that love is of primary importance - and really sums up the whole Christian way. Love takes precedence above everything, and we're supposed to be forgiving and merciful to other people just as God has been to us, right? From that teaching, it seems to me that regardless of whether a Christian thinks that a person is doing or has done something hideous, that we're expected to remember that we're the worst sinners of all, but we were forgiven anyway. And if Christ is for sinners rather than the perfect, then it makes sense for us to just remember how human we all really are.

This isn't to say that "anything goes" or that I think we should just put kids in all kinds of situations that can be confusing for them, because I don't think that at all. But I do think that to prevent a child from socializing at another child's house because the family has two same-sex parents could be damaging to the child socially and spiritually.

I think there are a lot of really good, wholesome lessons that can be learned in a situation like this, and really, unless the gay parents are nasty, hateful, vile and violent - or they do something that could result in kids being in danger - I don't see a problem *necessarily* with such a situation. I've known very kind, loving, decent people who are gay and scary, dangerous people who are heterosexual!

.

[Livin4Jesus]

Hi Stephanie,

Thanks so much for your heart-felt responses. I guess my feeling on what you are saying is this: while it is indeed true that Jesus taught love and forgiveness to all, He also preached repentance. He never condoned sin--He was loving, yes, but He also called people to repentance. He said "Go, and sin no more", so it wasn't the case of Him accepting people's sins out of love--He forgave their sins out of love, but He also called sin by its name and called for people to turn from it.

I understand that we are all sinners and all have fallen short, but if we are truly His, then the Holy Spirit convicts us to become stronger in turning from our sin. It is a lifelong process, I realize. What is happening so often in the gay lifestyle is that they see nothing wrong with their sin and they find churches who, unfortunately, don't see anything wrong with their behavior, either, or they misapply the works of Jesus to mean that we are to condone sin out of love for the person. I don't want my children growing up thinking that the homosexual lifestyle is at all normal or justified. I do feel bad for the little girl involved, though, and I am a bit concerned that if she grows up with no one being willing to play with her, she may run from God and resent Him as an adult. I am praying for the right course of action to take here, but I really don't think we will allow my daughter to go over to her house.

God bless,

Pam

[markofthebest]

Under no circumstances would I allow my daughter to enter that house. While I realize that your daughters friend is an innocent, you are responsible for your daughters well-being first. This is how the gay/lesbian agenda works...lets present ourselves as normal as everyone else.i.e...if a lie is told often enough it becomes truth.
Would you knowingly let your child go to the home of drug dealers or sex offenders? Of course not. And for everyone ready to flame because I compared lesbians to drug dealers and sex offenders...yes I do with no appologies. We are to train up a child in the way they should go, and that includes prohibiting them from seeing sexual perversion as normal.

[kattallysn1]

kinda reminds me of that verse and i can't quote it word for word but it goes something like this, "what fellowship can the light have with darkness?" with that being said....i would not want my kids hanging around a gay couple.

[Leigh]

Under no circumstances would I allow my daughter to enter that house. While I realize that your daughters friend is an innocent, you are responsible for your daughters well-being first. This is how the gay/lesbian agenda works...lets present ourselves as normal as everyone else.i.e...if a lie is told often enough it becomes truth.
Would you knowingly let your child go to the home of drug dealers or sex offenders? Of course not. And for everyone ready to flame because I compared lesbians to drug dealers and sex offenders...yes I do with no appologies. We are to train up a child in the way they should go, and that includes prohibiting them from seeing sexual perversion as normal.
:nod Well said!

And, this day and age, I am very selective about ANY home my children visit, period. They play in our yard with neighborhood children, but we only have a small circle of close Christian friends that I feel comfortable leaving my children at those homes. And they don't sleep away from home, unless it's at my parents' house.

It's a sad world where we have to be so vigilant to protect our babies. :(:

[OwnedByJesus]

I would not let my child go to their house. I too realize the situation you are in. I think my neighbors are lesbians and I have a 5 month old that I will be needing to explain that too sooner than I most, unless I move or they do. Regardless, I'm sure I will be needing to explain it eventually, which is too soon. I currently think, if I were you, that I would explain to your child the truth, which is that people do things God doesn't want them to do. Their reasons could be either they do not know it's wrong or do not know God, that is to say Jesus, and that some people do things that are wrong because they are only thinking of themselves and not the consequences of there actions.

As for witnessing, I'm all ears too! How would one approach this? Perhaps just invite the 'couple' to Church or simply ask if they give much thought to our purpose in life or do they believe in Jesus or even heard of Him.

Bottom line, I would not let my child go there because she would be seeing two women doing ordinary things that are only for mom and dad. I'm thinking of kissing, patting of butts perhaps, or your child simply asking (to one of the mom's) 'so where is your room?' I would not want them telling my child what they do and saying it's 'OK' because it is not. Yes, we all sin but that does not mean I will throw in the towel and send my kid anywhere and be cared for by just anyone.

Good questions, sorry you are in that situation though.

The first thing you should do (if you haven't yet) is pray to Jesus our Lord that He will give you wisdom.

I'll pray for you!

[Moony2ns]

Pam :hug,

You might be surprised how understanding these women might be if you explain your beliefs honestly and with love. If they take offense, at least you know you did the right thing and you will have peace because you did it in a Christ-like manner. I would just be prepared for that moment you know is most likely coming.

My SIL is a lesbian who lives with her partner. It is an extremely difficult situation especially since she adores our kids and they her. She knows how we feel about her lifestyle and she respects our wishes, even though she doesn't agree with our position. It has taken a while to get to this point because my husband and I weren't sure how to handle things either, and we went through several changes of policy (so to speak). We finally decided on certain boundaries we were comfortable with and layed them out to her in a loving way. We have been consistent across the board with anyone who is involved in sexual sin, heterosexual or otherwise since then.

Our situation is obviously different since it involves close family, but "speaking the truth in love" is always the best way to go. :thumb

[treboom]

I guess my question to you, is if another child was living with a mom who was living out of wedlock with her boy friend as husband and wife, would you let your child play in their home?

Sin is sin.

Walking in love with the unsaved who practice sin without a conscience is hard to do.

We are IN the world but not OF the world. God judges us differently than the individuals in the world that do not know him.

So what I am trying to say, is:

1. Don't be a hypocrite. Make sure you give a consistant message to your daughter now about your sexual moral vaules wether it is a gay or straight relationship that is in sin.

2. Pray and ask God to show you how to demonstrate Godly love to unsaved individuals and at the same time protect your daughter.

3. Children imitate their parents, your daughter is in the prime of establishing her personality and her values based on YOU and YOUR behaviour now. (no pressure)

[OwnedByJesus]

I guess my question to you, is if another child was living with a mom who was living out of wedlock with her boy friend as husband and wife, would you let your child play in their home?

Sin is sin.



I sort of understand you saying that sin is sin, but consider the challenges of raising your children and telling them a certain situation is wrong and then sending them there as if it were ok. A child may not know weather a man and woman are married, they would assume it. But it is totally different with the situation at hand. I hope I'm being clear, I don't know if I'm making my point very well.

We all know we sin. That does not mean we should expose our children or ourselves to more of it.

Praise the Lord, for He can make us new! :thumb

[Rebecki]

I guess my question to you, is if another child was living with a mom who was living out of wedlock with her boy friend as husband and wife, would you let your child play in their home?

Sin is sin.

Walking in love with the unsaved who practice sin without a conscience is hard to do.

We are IN the world but not OF the world. God judges us differently than the individuals in the world that do not know him.

So what I am trying to say, is:

1. Don't be a hypocrite. Make sure you give a consistant message to your daughter now about your sexual moral vaules wether it is a gay or straight relationship that is in sin.



No, I would not allow my child to go over there either, and I didn't allow her to when this was going on with one of her friends mothers. I admit though, that sometimes I had reasons why she couldn't go (previous engagements, etc.) and they weren't that good of friends anyway. Mostly the girl came over here or they just hung out at school.

You are right, sin is sin and we need to quit compromising our beliefs and what scripture says just to be P.C. or accomodating to the world.

[2xborn]

Stephanie I hope this doesn't come off as attacking you personally, but the Scripture is in black and white. So much of our children's problems today come from one major thing they lack, any fear of the Lord. Everybody wants to council everyone these days and it's like the blind leading the blind. What about the whole council of God? It doesn't matter if "we" think someone is mean, terrible, and a sinner. And it really doesn't matter if we think someone is the best thing since butter. God tells us exactly what He sees. A true convert repents and lives a lifestyle of repentance. I agree with you that we have all sinned and even after we're saved and have become new creatures in Him, we cannot be perfect in thought, word, and deed. Here's the contrast between the old and new, you no longer drink in sin like water. The true Christian falls rather than dives in. Salvation is a gift from our Father who loves us so much and would have that none would perish, but all would come to REPENTANCE. God has shown us in the Bible over and over that we won't stay in the pig pin because we have the power of the living Savior in us so we can be overcomers through Him. Flee from the devil and he will flee from you. I'm not locking my child in a cave, but I will not feed him to the wolves either. Would I witness to a homosexual? Any chance I get just like any other lost person, with tears and much compassion and much prayer for conviction from the Holy Spirit.
150,000 people die every 24 hours and just how many of those do you think go to hell? According to Jesus, a lot :cry Luke 13:23-24
Homosexuality is a death lifestyle according to God and so it would be if I, as a single woman, shared a bed with anyone other than my spouse.
Lastly, you said, " we may know what scripture teaches " Yes we do and therefore we are without excuse.
God Bless
Psalm 19:7

[Livin4Jesus]

Thanks, guys, for all your replies! Let me get caught up on reading them and I'll write back tomorrow. I need to get to bed!

Pam

[Heavensent]

Pam, I know most people on the thread said to keep your child away. Don't shut the little girl out of your daughter's life. It's not her fault.

Let me tell you how it feels from the other side. I was that little girl once. I grew up thinking something was wrong with me. Friends could not come to my house. On occasion I was invited to their's. It was very lonely. It was very sad. I cried a lot wondering what was wrong with me. Why children didn't want to play with me.

It wasn't until much later that I understood what was really happening. By then the damage had been done. I don't blame the parents of the neighborhood children. They were just doing what they thought was right, but as that little girl it hurt a lot.

Pray about it. Just because you let your daughter play with this little girl it doesn't mean you condone her "mommie's" lifestyle.

[sara_bug]

I don't have any children... but I would not let my child play at their house.

There is a spiritual problem with them and you don't want it attaching itself to your daughter convincing her that that lifestyle is normal.

If it was me in your situation. I would allow her to come to my house to play... but I just couldn't leave my child unattended in a home that condones any sin as o.k.

When I was growing up I had a friend who's boyfriend had a lesbian mom.
My friend was Cynthia... and the boyfriend was Clay. Clay's "moms" allowed Cynthia to live with Clay, out of wedlock. One night when I was spending the night ... you could hear the "moms" having sex upstairs. It was disgusting and it really upset me.

There is no telling what your daughter could be exposed to.

[HTOR87]

It's a tough situation and a tough call. One that you have to decide is best for you and your daughter.

If it was me in this exact same situation.....I would let her go play with her friend (all though spending the night is a different matter). I agree with Stephanie and treboom. I would talk to my daughter about the situation, I would make sure that she knew right from wrong. I don't feel that it's throwing our kids to the wolves. We have to teach our children right from wrong and hope that when they get older they will hold onto that.

Alot of people are saying "No way, abosolutly not, I would never let her in that house." While I can understand your feelings behind this decision it makes me wonder how someone else would view this decision. Not, "Oh, she's a Christian and is trying to protect her child from sin and what she believes is wrong" but more "There goes that better then everyone Christian. Guess she's too good for everyone else. Why do Christian's have to be so judgemental and hateful to everyone else" (Please, I'm not saying this about anyone here. I'm just imagining in my mind what someone of the world would say).

Christians get a bad rap in the media all the time. I just see something like this, handled the wrong way, as adding fuel to the fire. Ultimatly, it's a decision that you and your DH have to feel is right and be comfortable with, regardless of what others think or say.

[sara_bug]

1Cr 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.


*************

Doesn't this scripture mean we shouldn't keep company with anyone that is sexually immoral...... unless we are witnessing to them anyway.???

[sara_bug]

Alot of people are saying "No way, abosolutly not, I would never let her in that house." While I can understand your feelings behind this decision it makes me wonder how someone else would view this decision. Not, "Oh, she's a Christian and is trying to protect her child from sin and what she believes is wrong" but more "There goes that better then everyone Christian. Guess she's too good for everyone else. Why do Christian's have to be so judgemental and hateful to everyone else" (Please, I'm not saying this about anyone here. I'm just imagining in my mind what someone of the world would say).


I say to that OH WELL....
We can't conform our lives just to please man!!

[treboom]

Rebecki,
I in no way intended my response to be judgemental to ANYONE. If I personally was in this position, I would establish a "friendship" with the two women. Friendship evangilism is a wonderful tool. I would make arrangements for my child to play in my home or in public with me personally present. I would not allow my child to spend time in the other childs home without me present.

If I was establishing a loving, kind, mericful relationship with these women, my child would have opportunity to play in their home with me present. Demonstrating to my child it is possilbe to love the sinner/unsaved while not condoning the sin.

Once a friendship has been established and trust is there, I'm sure the two women would finally notice the chaperoned visits and ask questions. Needless to say you as the Christian are praying and asking God for opportunites to share you faith. Once the women trust you they will ask you about your faith and God will open a door.

Once you explain your position, in love, it will be THEIR choice to let THEIR daughter and themselves have a relationship with you.

[Livin4Jesus]

Man, this is a tough decision. You guys have all raised some good arguments. I've really been praying that this is a situation I can avoid for a while at least. After school gets out at the end of May, my daughter and her friend will no longer go to the same school anymore because my daughter will be in first grade next year and her friend will still be at the other school. So, I'm hoping to avoid the situation altogether, but maybe that's wishful thinking. I do feel very badly about this little girl. She is only 4 and is just precious. Should she just grow up without any friends because of the sins of her "parents"? But, I don't feel comfortable letting Taylor go over to her house because I would have no idea what would be happening over there.

This is hard!!!!! I hope I never have to deal with this again--but unfortunately, it's the way this sinful society is headed, I'm afraid.

I'm going to keep praying and thinking about this. Thanks for everyone's advice and input.

Pam

[Jael]

Under no circumstances would I send my daughter into that environment (and this is not about homophobia, it would be the same if the friend's parents were unmarried heterosexuals living together). My children have great confidence in my judgement...if I place them in someone's care, they feel this is a person they can trust...someone whose lifestyle I approve of. If I tell them that God does not approve of homosexuality, and then leave them in the care of someone who is openly homosexual, I am sending a very mixed and confusing message. I would have no problem with the little girl coming over to my house, or for the two of them to play together in other places (such as the park, etc.) But I would not confuse my daughter by endorsing a family with two "mommies".

[Moony2ns]

1Cr 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.


*************

Doesn't this scripture mean we shouldn't keep company with anyone that is sexually immoral...... unless we are witnessing to them anyway.???

Technically, that scripture says we are not to keep company with "a brother," meaning that the person is a believer who continues in sin and is unrepentant.

If we backup to the previous verses, Paul says starting in verse 9, "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world." Fast forward to verses 12 and 13: "For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges."

Livin4Jesus,

My kids were much older before they were allowed to go over to someone else's house to play without my presence. Even then, the rule has always been that we need to know the parents personally and be assured that those parents know what our children are and are not allowed to do. It's a blanket policy regardless of salvation status or lifestyle. If we don't have a good "feeling" about someone and our kids are invited over, we politely decline and explain the policy, but offer to have the kids play at the park supervised. I've never once had a parent react in offense over this, at least not openly.

Perhaps this is a good policy for you to adopt from now on. If you already do this, then this situation falls under that policy and no further explanation is needed. (not sure why I didn't offer this idea up to begin with. :doh)

:hug

Elizabeth

[HTOR87]

I say to that OH WELL....
We can't conform our lives just to please man!!
Um.......okay :noidea I'm sorry you took my post the wrong way. I was not stating that we should conform our lives just to please man. I never even told the OP that she should allow her child to play there. I was just trying to explain the reason why I feel it should be handled "delicatly" (for lack of better word).

I was pointing out the fact that if a situation like this is handled in a "bad" manner it very well could leave a bad taste in people's mouth allowing them to buy into what is said in the world about Christians. It is an uphill battle, on many occasions, to witness to people or to speak to them about church or God. Often times it is because they have had a bad / negative experience with church, Christianity and / or Christians in the past. I personally don't want to do anything to someone that is going to leave a bad taste in someone's mouth regarding God or Christianity. You don't have to conform your life and try to please man in order to do this.

[SonofFaith]

She's 6...She will have a million more friends....Getting rid of one will not hurt her...and if her "Parents" :rolleyes question you...tell them where you stand...they will understand...you don't have to be rude...but firm....You are a parent...and the best way is to keep her away from things until you are able to explain it.

[Kyrie Eleison]

Your house, not theirs. Supervise, talk honesty, keep your child strong in the Word of God, and encourage her love for others. To send your child to their house is to allow them to influence your young, impressionable child, in my opinion. It's our job as parents to protect and train our children in the ways of the Lord, not the world. The child and her family need love, they need God, I'd treat them with love, but I wouldn't compromise my faith to be friendly. That's the line for me. I'd be honest with them but speak it gently.

Praying for you, your child, and her friend in this delicate situation. :pray

[Benja32one]

Hi everyone!

I have a situation where my 6 year old daughter has a friend whose mother is gay and lives with her girlfriend. I don't know if the child is the product of a sperm donor or what, but apparently, according to my daughter, the girl does not have a father and has both a "mommy" and a "mom". I suspected this was the case many months ago, but now I know for sure. Now, I'm not quite sure what to do because they have called to invite my daughter over before, but we happened to be busy. My dilemma is that the girl is very nice and my daughter really likes her. I don't want to penalize or discriminate against an innocent girl, but I also don't want my child growing up desensitized to this type of sin and begin to think there is nothing wrong with it. Right now since she is only 6 and knows nothing of any sexual matters, I am not planning on saying a thing to her about it--I'm just hoping that they won't invite her over again.

What would you guys do? Would you allow your daughter to spend time over at their house? Or would you just allow her to come to your house? Or would you try to avoid having them play together outside of school at all? I never in a million years imagined that I would have to deal with this type of situation as a mother, but unfortunately, it is becoming much more common and I know there are several other families just like hers at the school.

I need advice!!

Thanks,

Pam
"Be not decieved, evil communications corrupt good manners."
1 Corinthians 15.33 :nod

[upanddown]

Moony2ns said
Technically, that scripture says we are not to keep company with "a brother," meaning that the person is a believer who continues in sin and is unrepentant.

If we backup to the previous verses, Paul says starting in verse 9, "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world." Fast forward to verses 12 and 13: "For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges."

I am agreeing with this.

[sara_bug]

Um.......okay :noidea I'm sorry you took my post the wrong way. I was not stating that we should conform our lives just to please man. .

Im sorry... that was not my reaction to you... but to hearing people say that all the time. :yo

I am a memeber of a pet board that only has 2 other true christians besides me. They are always saying that christians are judgemental and mean because we are just too moral. And not to your post... but to them "oh well". I am not going to change my faith or views just because it doesn't agree with the way they live.

Im sorry if it came across as an attack on you.

[Proudmommy]

Livin4Jesus,

My kids were much older before they were allowed to go over to someone else's house to play without my presence. Even then, the rule has always been that we need to know the parents personally and be assured that those parents know what our children are and are not allowed to do. It's a blanket policy regardless of salvation status or lifestyle. If we don't have a good "feeling" about someone and our kids are invited over, we politely decline and explain the policy, but offer to have the kids play at the park supervised. I've never once had a parent react in offense over this, at least not openly.

Perhaps this is a good policy for you to adopt from now on. If you already do this, then this situation falls under that policy and no further explanation is needed. (not sure why I didn't offer this idea up to begin with. :doh)

:hug

Elizabeth

This is a good policy. I like it alot. I might start to use that with my little girl.

[Fishy]

She's 6...She will have a million more friends....Getting rid of one will not hurt her...and if her "Parents" :rolleyes question you...tell them where you stand...they will understand...you don't have to be rude...but firm....You are a parent...and the best way is to keep her away from things until you are able to explain it.

My heart breaks for the daughter of this couple. She can't help who her parents are.

DEU 24:16 -- The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin.

I would (and have) allowed my children to befriend those whose parents live un-Christian lifestyles. They will have to deal with people from all walks as adults and I believe it is better to demonstrate a good Christian example to these people, rather than shun them. I talk to my children and emphasize that the lifestyle is abhorrent to God, but that we are to love the sinner despite the sin. I started these conversations quite young... didn't bother going into any sexual detail about the couple, just that it was a sin that they weren't married, or whatever.

My daughter is friends with a girl whose mother practices Wicca and lives with her boyfriend out of wedlock. Over the past year, this girl has been drawn more and more toward Christ, and finally asked my daughter if she could be a Christian as well. PTL!

Ah well... parents all make their own choices in these matters.

[HTOR87]

Im sorry... that was not my reaction to you... but to hearing people say that all the time. :yo

I am a memeber of a pet board that only has 2 other true christians besides me. They are always saying that christians are judgemental and mean because we are just too moral. And not to your post... but to them "oh well". I am not going to change my faith or views just because it doesn't agree with the way they live.

Im sorry if it came across as an attack on you.
:hug That's okay, I thought maybe I posted unclearly and didn't want anyone to think that I was advising that we all conform just to please man. And no it didn't come across as an attack at all, so just get that thought out of your head!! I just didn't want you to think that I was thinking something other then what I was thinking..... :twitch Understand? :heh

[Kyrie Eleison]

Technically, that scripture says we are not to keep company with "a brother," meaning that the person is a believer who continues in sin and is unrepentant.

If we backup to the previous verses, Paul says starting in verse 9, "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world." Fast forward to verses 12 and 13: "For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges."

Livin4Jesus,

My kids were much older before they were allowed to go over to someone else's house to play without my presence. Even then, the rule has always been that we need to know the parents personally and be assured that those parents know what our children are and are not allowed to do. It's a blanket policy regardless of salvation status or lifestyle. If we don't have a good "feeling" about someone and our kids are invited over, we politely decline and explain the policy, but offer to have the kids play at the park supervised. I've never once had a parent react in offense over this, at least not openly.

Perhaps this is a good policy for you to adopt from now on. If you already do this, then this situation falls under that policy and no further explanation is needed. (not sure why I didn't offer this idea up to begin with. :doh)

:hug

Elizabeth


:nod :thumb :thumb

[sara_bug]

Understand? :heh

:nod :hug