Singlesis
July 12th, 2004, 10:01 PM
I just had to share this with you all. Over the past 2 years, I have been hurt a lot, and gotten angry, and so on and so forth due to things that happened to my mother, to me, and in my church. I had not realized it, but over time I let it brew and brew and brew, and never really "dealt with it". It's okay to get angry, but when the anger turns into bitterness and resentment, then we have a problem... which I apparently have had. It took a close friend to call me last week and say, "We need to talk."
I'd become an extremely negative person.... didn't like anybody or anything. Very judgmental, critical of what others would do... things that had nothing to do with me. But the biggest thing was holding on to the bitterness and resentment toward my mother's ex-husband (who nearly killed her), and my church who wasn't there for me when I needed them. I let it go unchecked for far too long, and my negativity began to spill over into every other aspect of my life.
So I started asking others, and God has used some great friends this week to be honest and tell me what they saw happening to me. And as I have spent hours and hours in prayer, it all started to become clear: I needed to forgive, to let go, and to basically get over myself.
I had not even stepped foot into the new sanctuary we built because I didn't like the way the money was raised to do it. So I resented the building. (Now how dumb does that sound?) But I was only hurting myself. Long story short, I knew I had to face it head on. I went into the new worship center early yesterday before Sunday School, sat on the back row, and sobbed like a baby. I repented of my anger and bitterness, and harsh words and all that other junk that was brewing inside me and making me such an ugly person. I laid it all at the altar and asked God to forgive me and cleanse me from it all.
Immediately I felt a release and a peace I haven't felt in a very very long time. I went on to teach my Sunday School class, and it was wonderful!
Then guess what?? Sunday afternoon when I went to visit mom, the most incredible thing happened. At first it was upsetting, because she got upset and flipped out about wanting to go home. (She's in a nursing facility.) I got so upset and had to sneak out, feeling SO bad for her. She was frantic. But I learned today that after we left yesterday, Mamma was ranting to the nurses, "They're leaving me, they're leaving me.." and she CRIED !!!!
My mother has not been able to express any emotion for two years. She has surpressed all this stuff for so long, and has psychologically and emotionally shut down. She says she tries to cry sometimes but nothing would come out. This was a MAJOR breakthrough!!! She NEEDS to cry, and express her anger and frustrations, etc.
Maybe my sin was hindering her healing - who knows? But both were praises and I just wanted to share. Thanks for reading this whole thing - sorry it was so long.
I'd become an extremely negative person.... didn't like anybody or anything. Very judgmental, critical of what others would do... things that had nothing to do with me. But the biggest thing was holding on to the bitterness and resentment toward my mother's ex-husband (who nearly killed her), and my church who wasn't there for me when I needed them. I let it go unchecked for far too long, and my negativity began to spill over into every other aspect of my life.
So I started asking others, and God has used some great friends this week to be honest and tell me what they saw happening to me. And as I have spent hours and hours in prayer, it all started to become clear: I needed to forgive, to let go, and to basically get over myself.
I had not even stepped foot into the new sanctuary we built because I didn't like the way the money was raised to do it. So I resented the building. (Now how dumb does that sound?) But I was only hurting myself. Long story short, I knew I had to face it head on. I went into the new worship center early yesterday before Sunday School, sat on the back row, and sobbed like a baby. I repented of my anger and bitterness, and harsh words and all that other junk that was brewing inside me and making me such an ugly person. I laid it all at the altar and asked God to forgive me and cleanse me from it all.
Immediately I felt a release and a peace I haven't felt in a very very long time. I went on to teach my Sunday School class, and it was wonderful!
Then guess what?? Sunday afternoon when I went to visit mom, the most incredible thing happened. At first it was upsetting, because she got upset and flipped out about wanting to go home. (She's in a nursing facility.) I got so upset and had to sneak out, feeling SO bad for her. She was frantic. But I learned today that after we left yesterday, Mamma was ranting to the nurses, "They're leaving me, they're leaving me.." and she CRIED !!!!
My mother has not been able to express any emotion for two years. She has surpressed all this stuff for so long, and has psychologically and emotionally shut down. She says she tries to cry sometimes but nothing would come out. This was a MAJOR breakthrough!!! She NEEDS to cry, and express her anger and frustrations, etc.
Maybe my sin was hindering her healing - who knows? But both were praises and I just wanted to share. Thanks for reading this whole thing - sorry it was so long.