What is the Christian thing to do here?

[igglet]

Certainly everyone has known other people that rub them the wrong way, personality clash, whatever you want to call it. But what to do when they're fellow believers?

And what if the person/people in question are family members?

A brief background: I have a few extended family members who really get under my skin. They are fellow believers, but I have great difficulty spending more than a few moments with them without feeling like I want to just bolt out the door. Some of it is their trying-to-be-but-not-so-subtle "We are better Christians than you" game, and the glaringly obvious disinterest in anyone else except their own (immediate/nuclear) family members. I don't like to be around people with competitive spirits, and I often feel insulted and hurt when I leave a family function where these people attend.

Yes, we've talked about it. I got the feeling that they think it's just my (and my Mom and sister's--who feel the same way) problem. Maybe it is, I don't know. I tend to be a little thin-skinned, but I am definitely not imagining things here. In any event, nothing has changed.

Here's the problem: We just moved into a town near these relatives. They have been calling and asking us to visit or get together. We don't really want to, for reasons mentioned above.

I don't wish them ill, I just don't want to spend any time with them!

What is my Christian obligation, if any, here? Can I just continue to pray for them and keep my distance, thus ensuring I won't fall into the trap of anger and resentment, complaints of which fall on deaf ears?

[Bondservant]

sometimes God brings people into our lives as sandpaper to rub off our rough edges.

[antsinmypants]

I guess you could always invite them over for dessert and coffee.. and have it late enough in the night that everyone is tired so that they don't stay over too long...

or you could delicatly put it to them that you can only come over for dessert.

I have relatives that are on both ends of the spectrum.. those unsaved and those who are.. and both sometimes are nerve-racking.

Personally, I think relatives are given to us so we can learn patience and toughen our skin in this world.

[BHiles]

Originally posted by igglet

What is my Christian obligation, if any, here? Can I just continue to pray for them and keep my distance, thus ensuring I won't fall into the trap of anger and resentment, complaints of which fall on deaf ears?

I would suggest that you do engage yourself with them but in a limited way and in a way in which they are not in the majority. Make the gathering not just about them. Furthermore before being at an occasion in which they are at I would suggest that several days, even weeks before immerse yourself in God's Word. Increase the time you spend in the scripture and read it until something inside you has been moved. The reason for this is we have a promise.

Psalms 119:165 Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.

No matter what they throw at you, you have this promise.

[nooneuno]

Well, I can understand your situation plenty. As a believer you are to be kind and treat them kindly. This doesn't mean that you can't have Boundaries with them. It is difficult to not worsen the situation with zero contact. Can you meet them in a neutral territory for something? 'like out to dinner in a restaurant? It is harder to behave like that in public places. Don't let them make you feel uncomfortable. A great line I use when necessary is,
" We all stand on level ground before the cross".. (and "We're ALL sinners saved by grace" )

A book that will help you plenty is, 'Boundaries" by Cloud and Townshend in Christian book stores and ALSO in Barnes and Noble!
This book will give you great Biblical perspective. I just zoomed through reading it in a number of hours when I got it!
Praying for you..and YES..Keep praying for them and ask the Lord to show you what to do and to have mercy.
(((HUGS)))
(remember it's Satan who wants us stressed out and angry..God is in Control)
Hope this helps you some..
:wave

[BaylorBrat]

Originally posted by Bondservant sometimes God brings people into our lives as sandpaper to rub off our rough edges.

Hallmark card???


























































:pound

[BaylorBrat]

I'll leave you with something I learned this semester.

I once asked my very laid-backed Deacon if I pushed his buttons, and he replied that there are few people who can push his buttons, and if I have then he *allowed* it.

I like this attitude. You are the one who is *allowing* your relatives to push your buttons. Therefore my simple advice is don't allow them to push your buttons!

Yes, they are your relatives, therefore, having zero contact with them is NOT an option! Yes, I can relate to your situation-I have one older brother who can push my buttons if I allow him to!

BB
:wave